January Sunset

I had planned to go back to the deer park again but the weather forecast was once again wrong and it completely clouded over so I went out this evening when the cloud had broken to another local park to see the sunset. It looks peaceful but there were about a million dog walkers behind me.

Sun and Moon

Another sunny day yesterday so I went looking for winter sunsets before its too late. Unfortunately there were no clouds around so an orange glow was the best I could find. It was still quite pleasant for a while and I tried to feel it, you know be mindful and all that. Like thinking that this small warm ball on the horizon is in reality about 93 million miles away and would dwarf the entire earth. Coincidentally just before I walked home another person talked to me for a while about photography. Normal people must do this stuff, I mean talking to strangers, all the time. To me talking to two strangers without major incident within a week is a strange unusual happening. On the way back the full moon came up.

Let There Be Light.

I went to the local park Friday evening as there was a forecast of misty fog appearing just as the sun was setting which sometimes offers hope of moody atmospheric pictures. For once they were right. It was some of the best light I have seen. In fact I wish I could get shots of the deer in this light but it doesn’t happen that often. Shooting into the sun is hard as the contrast is too much for my camera to handle most of the time. That’s why its often best to get the sun behind trees and shining on other things to highlight them. I did not use my best lens as that is only 70-200 and I cant stand changing lenses but I am still quite happy with these. I still wish I could edit them better but just as my camera is cheap I also have to use Free RAW conversion software as Photoshop is too expensive. Thankfully as its a very busy park next to the university there were lots of people walking along the paths to add some interest.

Near Wild Heaven

And I always thought that it would make me smarter
But it’s only made me harder
My heart thrown open wide
This near wild heaven
Not near enough

Near Wild Heaven R.E.M.

I went back to the park yesterday for the first time this year. Getting sunny days in winter is a luxury so its best to get out if possible. Despite some usual madness since I got home I did enjoy out here more than expected. Simple pleasures help although this place often gets so busy it’s hard to find peace so I usually go in the week and even then it’s sometimes too much.  The good news is that the deer were abundant and less aggressive than in the rut so I have less chance of being gored. If I don’t think of my problems I don’t get worked up and end up walking about talking to my-self like a lunatic so feel more relaxed.  As usual when I feel like this someone else always seems to talk first and I had a very pleasant conversation with a man walking his dogs. Law of attraction maybe, the power of now might also help. I should read it again.   Unfortunately other crows have started to notice my food supply and often follow me around the park cawing. A full pack of digestives goes quickly when there are more than 20 birds. My original favourite crow bounded after me within 2 feet cawing which made me feel guilty as I had none left by that stage. I hope he got some. Mixing good feelings like days out with constructive home time would be the key to mental well being but I have concluded that living in this house without anxiety is impossible without a lobotomy and some anxiety has returned again today with those loud noises. As a result I caved in and got some wine earlier.

There are also not enough places to go in my local area without transport. In fact I once read that the most important piece of equipment for a photographer is a car which is true as carrying equipment on public transport is almost impossible and you need to get to new places but I would also add to the list a fast PC as you also need to edit images and my current Pc almost has a heart attack handling 24 Meg pictures. Basically photographers need to be rich( although many on YouTube claim equipment does not matter and then get out a £4500 lens which they then attach to a £2500 camera! There a good reason I take so many pictures of deer. Its because in they are big, in fact in 20 years of wandering the countryside I have only ever got close enough to take pictures of small birds about 5 times, only seen a badger once, a hare twice and pretty much nothing else ever!

Snowdrops and Sunsets

I especially like to see the snowdrops emerge so early in the year. Some are out now but the mass like carpet of white flowers wont be out fully until mid February. It was my first walk today since getting back after Christmas and I went to the local lake again but the cloud stopped any nice sunset from happening. It’s always hard to acclimatise again to not having someone to speak to. I think my entire personally changes and after months of near isolation a sort of borderline madness of talking to my-self and continuous stress happens. In fact I started talking this afternoon and had to calm myself. I was supposed to go back next week as I do most Januarys to a folk festival thing but that was cancelled last week just in case, two years running now. There and back the train was replaced by a bus due to no drivers as many were coming back positive from testing and having to self isolate. However, the bus was mostly empty so I did not mind and some older Asian guy spoke to me for most of the way there and then he was also on my bus on the way back 12 days later!  Mind you I did struggle to speak back to him which just shows why so much CBT is crap. My voice really is weak when there is any background noise so I struggle to be heard. I remember this happening when I went out places when I was young and I found it deeply uncomfortable which made me even more avoidant so not maladaptive thinking at all. I think so much CBT was written by a twat. It’s completely the opposite of reality. Bad things do happen all the time, people are judgemental if you are different. The UK social anxiety forum I met my only friend from was full of the most judgemental people one could wish to meet and we both left as it was not friendly or helpful at all and I began to despise many of them, the mods are absolute Woke obsessed intolerant morons. Many people with a lifetime of anxiety really do have physical problems so it’s not just all in the head as therapy insinuates.  I don’t know when I will see her again now, maybe never if vaccine mandates come in as I only have about 2 years left on the planet earth without divine intervention. I put everything into Christmas and was thankful for that at least so if I went now I could not complain, its not as though the future, mine or the planets is looking exactly rosy in the next decade.

12 days of Christmas

A miracle occurred and the Uk was not put back into lockdown based on something with the severity of the common cold unlike much of Europe. But dont worry the French authorities under that lovely lovely kind peaceful calm man have found yet another variant and even more transmissible than the last. I therefore was able to have 12 days of Christmas with my friend before coming back home. If the events of this year do not wake people up then it may need the return of Christ on earth to poke them with a pointy stick followed by a documentary for idiots to make them realise that something worldwide is not quite right and that many world leaders who claimed to be on the left and so lovely to get elected are acting exactly like leaders who are on the far right and bad, very bad as in they would be doing worse if they could hide it. But brainless sheep still follow them whilst baaaing obediently.

Never Ending Story

I so vividly remember this walk on Christmas Eve last year, my Christmas cancelled due to the virus and feeling so depressed and down after not seeing my friend in 11 months. I heard so many people say “Don’t worry by this time next year, probably spring everything will be back to normal. its only one Christmas that we will miss after all.” I wonder how may years they will say its still on and cancel at the last minute before even the most gullible and trusting people will realise we are being quite deliberately F**CKED UP THE ARSE!

Meanwhile Downing street was having a party, well several and the Etonian wonder did just what he wanted.

The picture shows Boris and Carrie Johnson, bottles of wine and a lack of social distancing, calling into question No 10’s insistence it was a ‘work meeting’.​
Politics For All on Twitter: "🚨 | NEW: PM Boris Johnson snapped maskless  on the train https://t.co/yaWdjbbs38" / Twitter
“Only wear your mask in public! Its just a charade you know!”

A New Dark Age?

 “If we can stand up to him, all Europe may be free and the life of the world may move forward into broad, sunlit uplands. But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age made more sinister, and perhaps more protracted, by the lights of perverted science.

My insomnia has returned quite badly within the last week requiring me to start taking sleeping tablets again. This has of course been enhanced greatly with the will they wont they ban Christmas again narrative and the prospect of never seeing my only friend ever again. Despite the new thing being so much more mild than the older versions that the death rate has plummeted in its place of origin its becoming perfectly clear to the anyone not sheep related that the governments of the west are set to impose not only full lockdowns but mandatory you know what from next year. Several MP’s have already confirmed that its a full lockdown for the UK from 5th January but with over a week to go the blond bollock brained arse wipe may even appear on Saturday evening to instil more fear, panic and hysteria and stop public travel and so cancel Christmas for the great unwashed while Downing street will no doubt party on in secret again . A drunken stupor may be imminent as I run to Tesco for alcohol before they ban this too. New Zealand probably already have plans since the lands down under seem to be several months or years ahead of the rest of us. Yet there is not one news channel to show people the evidence of lies and manipulation and then of course its even worse online as they are all owned by one group of lets call them people. Its all a script of course they did exactly the same last year, offer hope then take it away again. 100 tory rebels mean nothing in this game > its almost like Boris has a threat of his family being wiped out by evil ones if he does not obey. All figures are simply manipulated to fit the agenda.

I will take the shots if I have no choice but but have come to despise the pretend liberals who never stopped marching and protesting for any rights over the last few years but think forcibly injecting children with something that that’s so safe the makers have tried to keep their records hidden for the next 75 years. Even many doctors have reported cases of illness as a result of taking the thing and yet are banned from speaking the truth. Even the scientist involved in developing one of the first shots says children should not take it and that it usually requires 5 years of testing to be sure its safe. Oh ,he’s banned too. Is this the start of the great awakening or just a bunch of C88ts taking over the world and the great reset?

The Last Waltz?


So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive.

I went back to the lake this afternoon in the hope of a nice sunset as there was plenty of sun around. Unfortunately within 10 seconds of taking the lens cap off my camera thick heavy loud started to move in form the west and there was no more sun. It become dark and gloomy. Pretty much the mood of the nation with 2 weeks to go until Christmas.