“What’s the frequency, Kenneth?” is your Benzedrine, uh-huh
I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed
I thought I’d pegged you an idiot’s dream
Tunnel vision from the outsider’s screen
I never understood the frequency,uh-huh.”
I read a forum post about an article on a newspaper website on people still living at home into older age nowadays as house prices and renting has increased so much that younger people simple cant afford to move out as early like they used to. The article made this poor guy feel suicidal as there were lots and lots of nasty and negative comments calling such people losers and the like and made him feel ashamed.
Its the same of course with being a virgin or single past a certain age. I mentioned before while looking something up I came across a reddit post with about 12 pages of men mocking male virgins for simply being too cowardly to approach and chat up women. Things like this used to also make me feel suicidal too. Now its when I read about CBT for anxiety and see that it was written by imbeciles with no concept of life long social anxiety at all.
The thing is this kind of ridicule made me far MORE avoidant. It did not make me go out , buy or rent a flat and chat women up because of peer pressure or shame. It had the opposite effect. It made me stay away form ALL people for good in case of more ridicule. So I did not go out to parties, social events at all. Therapy demands you go out and meet new people and yet all evidence is that if you dont fit in to certain cultural norms to begin with then you are already disliked from the off. Think of what constitutes a loser in modern society and I would be in the top 1% for my country! So we simply mock people for not doing whats expected for society norms even when its due to mental health. Even some therapists do this.
The thing is I never even left home. in fcat I STILL live in the home I was born in. Both my parents died first. My dad died when i was still quite young so that made a big difference and my mum after years of illness and being disabled, died a few years ago. I should be ashamed shouldn’t I? But I could not give a Folk anymore. First even when working I was only on £680 month take home pay and even in those days a one bed-roomed flat was £450+ a month. I had no friends and so living in a bedsit and never leaving it at all would hardly have been a step up would it ? At least I had a garden here. I never forget a young female student we had on summer work sneeringly asking me why I had not left home like I should be ashamed.
But it was not just the money. I was completely mental in ALL ways. I was a non functioning adult where even normal everyday things were completely beyond me. I had no friends and was deeply miserable. I never learnt to drive, never went abroad or on holiday and never went out socialising either. So the idea I just go and get a place to live with no help whatsoever was as alien to me as being told to go be an astronaut. Living in a one bed-roomed flat or bedsit with shit neighbours was a one way trip to suicide. Sure if I was normal and went out socialising and wanted to set up home with a partner, of course I would have wanted to settle down. But I knew back then that I would never get a girlfriend, and I didn’t.
But as you are mad, you know everyone hates you. is it really paranoia? You have felt it your whole life. At school , during 20 years of work, even using the social anxiety forum where they pretend to be supportive but only to types of certain people who meet certain criteria. Therapy tries to imply that this is all in your head, your lack of confidence is just maladaptive and all you have to do is get out more.Like everyone is a lovely fluffy bunny who want to be friends! The F**k are they! All past experiences have shown that our modern more liberal society is in reality as judgemental as the Spanish inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! (sorry. I could not help it.) Yes. but without the burning alive. Just mocking, ridiculing and shaming on social media
The only conclusion is that its evolution trying to remove you from the gene pool. No problems there. I am way too old to reproduce now or for most other things for that matter. Thank God.