Men’s Mental Health

I have heard quite a bit about men’s mental health recently on TV as if it is distinctly different to that of women. Zoë Ball was on TV only last night doing a sponsored bike ride in memory of her partner who had depression and committed suicide last year. The most common theme is that men are far more reserved and less likely to talk about their feelings and also seek help.  That’s true to a point. I have still not been to a doctor  for instance despite a lifetime of misery and failure due to anxiety and depression although as I mention frequently many people including men who did seek help in the UK were often treated with no sympathy whatsoever and even like they were a nuisance. CBT therapy has a long waiting list and often does not work due to NHS therapists being the worst available. So the idea if I went to the GP next week would lead to a cure and happiness is a bit far fetched as I would not do any CBT for social anxiety anyway. It’s not for people with depression and paranoia and often makes things worse.

Men are more likely to commit suicide and especially between the ages of 40-59. In fact men are 3 times more likely to commit suicide than women although there has been a rise in women’s suicide too. There are about 6000 suicides in the UK a year which is about 16-20 per day. Shocking isn’t it?  It almost feels sexist for highlighting differences as some women don’t like the idea that anything could be worse but obviously women have always had the majority of  things worse than men so it’s hardly surprising that men have some differences. I have posted before several times I think social anxiety or severe shyness is distinctly different as we an animal species and we do behave differently.  Men are ridiculed more for being virgins past a certain age and also for being long term unemployed as our culture still sees men as the provider.

I also read that men handle being alone far worse than women and this then often leads to depression and worse and very shy men are probably going to struggle to get a relationship at all as we are still expected to approach women and initiate things. I think men find things like this and especially being shy around women far more humiliating to talk about as we are supposed to be the confident ones so they are far less likely to seek help. Would I really want to go to group CBT therapy with much younger people and admit still being a virgin in front of them especially as CBT therapy is often with people with general anxiety to save money rather than social anxiety.  Men are always ridiculed for being cowards and not asking women out.   The JUST MAN Up! approach. Then if we do it wrong and act awkward we are accused of being a creepy weirdo.I’ve never been able to do that and I’m 196 and I have never had any female approach me anywhere ever in a romantic way. Having worked in a company with plenty of women for 20 years I think people who say this isn’t true are simply deluded. Yes, some things about mental health are worse for men, get over it.


Things that make you happy.

1 Drink alcohol

2. Drink alcohol and do some housework, sometimes shop.

Solution, drink even more, stop doing housework and shop for even more alcohol?

Actually rather than a trivial stupid post(why stop now?) this is basically the concept for treatment for depression. You are supposed to make a timetable of things you do all week and each day and then try to increase the things that make you feel better and decrease the crap stuff. In reality I cant think of any and never had contact with other humans anyway due to social anxiety. Even my dreams are turning to nightmares again and I wake sad. No wonder people create delusional fantasy lives, play games and become avoidant. The truth is often terrible with absolutely no way out. Anyway its far more to do with being unemployed and never having had a relationship due to anxiety and ……………….the usual shite. See 500 previous posts for details.

Rice Experiment to test the power of the mind(or how mad you are).

I saw this rice experiment on YouTube recently. I have nothing better to do and am already mental anyway so why not? In order to prove that the mind effects matter and especially water you put some cooked rice in different jars. You dont have to use Tesco everyday value curry sauce jars(although its surprisingly good at 30p a jar!) You are supposed to choose three jars but I couldn’t be bothered to wait for another jar to become available so didn’t. One jar is marked G for good rice and the other B for bad or naughty rice. The other one if you can be bothered is the neutral jar.

Then every day for about 60 seconds you tell the good jar how much you love it and think lovely things and then the naughty rice you tell it how much you hate it and blame it for your lifetime of social ineptitude and misery. Surprisingly I found this quite easy. SO much hate inside me! Who knew he says sarcastically.  In fact my hate is so strong I could probably contaminate peoples jars as far away as Finland.  The guy in the video did this for nine weeks so I dont know if I have the will power to carry it out but will nevertheless try. Some others do it for only one month.  He says that the Good rice is always in far better condition that the naughty rice which is quite manky and smelly. He did say it worked every time this way. According to some people this proves our thoughts and emotions affect matter and that positive energy can then make your life better and is probably similar to the law of attraction.

Some people say you do the same for every glass of water you drink so it makes your body more positive. Hmm, I wonder if it works for cider?

Lunacy or Quantum physics at work?  I will check the rice regularly, my sanity may need checking too.



Walking for mental health(or just because there is nothing else to do!)

I went out. I was not entirely great. Both cash machines were broken so I had to rush across town to somewhere else in order to get money,food, change and then the correct bus. Walking for good mental health is impossible living in a city as the walks are all shit so you have to get out of the city which also requires money for either public transport or petrol if you are lucky and not mental enough to stop you driving and owning a car.Being truly mental I never even had one driving lesson.

Then living in the same city for the last 7000 years means that all walks are the same, there are no new places and nowhere new to go. It was cold and icy but not much snow was left. I got bored and realised that the advice for going on walks often does not work. I did not feel at one with nature, just cold. The atmosphere was wrong. I have noticed lots of advice for depression and anxiety does not work. Something needs to change in the brain chemistry first before things have meaning otherwise the whole world is the problem and everyone in it. Perhaps illegal drugs,perhaps I should start drinking in the day as well.

I became obsessed with this waterfall and how the water looked like sparks of electricity in the sunlight. Perhaps water does have some magical energy.

I like this icy configuration over the river. The top part reminds me of the devil with little horns and a beady eye. He taunts me everywhere I go as he’s very naughty. Only Christ keeps him at bay.

Lack of Motivation

Trying to get myself ready to go out for a walk as its supposed to be the sunniest day of the week and there is still snow on the ground in some places. Yet its very cold and windy still. Its got to the stage where even going to my local country park makes me feel anxious and a bit sick and even though I feel hopeless at home I still dont want to leave the house either. I wish I could sleep all day.

Still quite depressed.

Its very hard to do anything at the moment. The last week has been up and down emotionally. One day I become very down and started to get drunk and hit myself in the head again which just caused me to have those strange random unreality feelings again throughout the next day. The sleeping tablet made me feel even worse.  Despite sleeping somewhat better in the last week I still feel terrible in the day. Even now I am contemplating going for a walk or staying in. Both seem equally as bad as I hate walking in my dire boring unfriendly city but its the only sunnyish day of the week.

Of course I hate staying in and using the computer or watching TV dont mean anything to me. reading is also almost impossible as I take nothing in. Once the brain is in F**ked off mode then almost nothing works. Doing housework or gardening just become a tiresome chore.  I still cant get over the advice for social anxiety is always to go and do anything with humans as if its a certain cure and yet never mention that depression makes you as miserable as F**K, intensely disliked and avoided if you do even try and so I feel almost unable or unwilling to even leave the house.  They pretend these things are just excuses and that gives them the excuse themselves to say its all your own fault. This is why most self help sites and books are often completely shit. They never take both depression and anxiety into account and think simply doing a bit of exercise is a complete cure A confusion takes over my mind and I dont know what to do and whatever I do do seems wrong and I wish I had done the other.  My dreams have started to go back to nightmares as when I think of confronting my problems and getting a job it looks so impossible in the position I am in now that I cant see a solution other than death or divine intervention.

Forget conquering Social anxiety now at my age. I have no desire to have a relationship or sex and a family life is long gone. The only thing I need is a job or I end up homeless sometime.  Even with no anxiety how to explain a work gap of 13 years, no references and also I am not be fit enough to do manual work with no medical confirmation of help is a completely different matter and leaves me in despair.

Origins of Our Anxiety

Its easy to think of my earliest memories of anxiety, for instance when I started school as a fat awkward kid with no social skills as the beginning. But of course it goes back further than that to my parents and even grandparents. Not only did my mum have anxiety but so did all six of her siblings and some of my cousins. However its my grandmother where things seem to have really started.

She was born in 1896 in a house less than 1/4 mile away from here. In all she had 8 children, one of whom died in childbirth as was quite common at the time. Unfortunately she married a man who was an abusive alcoholic. He stole money for drink and left her with nothing. In fact she had to take in neighbours washing and for one bad period of time was in the workhouse which still existed in the 1920’s. Once in an argument probably over money my grandfather who I never met threw a plate at her face which knocked out some teeth and as my two oldest uncles had by this time served in WW2 and were men decided to throw him out the house.  He visited their new house once but was never seen again after this. I have no idea when he died or where.

So my grandmother went through two world wars, brought up 8 children on her own when there was no social security or benefits and had an abusive drunk as her husband. To top it all my mum swore the house was extensively haunted and they had ghostly happenings on a weekly basis. No wonder they had anxiety. in fact if you go back even further i recently found while searching my ancestry that my G-Grandmother had both parents die when she was still a teenager and her 4 brothers and sisters where then split up and lived all over the area so were separated. I would love to know if they ever managed to meet up again and what happened to them all. My  G-Grandmother, Mary was lucky in that she got a job working for her uncle who ran a pub. So its fair to say that she must also have had lots of anxiety and stress in her life which she may have passed on.

So rather than my anxiety starting when I first went to school, its real origins may go back well into the 19th century or even further which begs the question of how much of our personality and behaviour is pre-determined through generations of our ancestors and how much really is free choice.