Delusional Fantasy or Healthy Confidence?

Do you think it helps to be delusional if you are anxious? I may have written this before but I don’t remember and neither will anyone else so here goes again. I once heard someone say that if the ugliest man in the world thinks he’s gorgeous and therefore tries to chat up every girl he meets then at least he’s got a decent chance of getting someone eventually whereas if he knows he’s the ugliest man in the world he will never even try and will die a sad lonely virgin.  That’s a bit like having SA. You are constantly told to try stuff and do stuff and not give up yet the combined sum of my life experiences tells me that when I act anxious I fail horrendously, people treat me like filth and I go home and punch myself in the head in the toilet. Therefore my confidence has remained low and I find it hard to even try anymore. If I had of known regular success in my past then of course my confidence would have grown and I would probably me a project manager in I.T. somewhere now just like my best friend from school who didn’t quit college like I did after 2 days.

It helps to be confident at a job interview and apparently to impress the opposite sex.  I have heard these things again and again as confidence is so attractive to future employers and future partners. Therefore in order to get this confidence perhaps you can be brainwashed if you can’t get it by success. You have to ignore how cruel, selfish and judgemental so many people were in the past and all those horrendous memories have to be blocked from the mind.  Perhaps it’s a good thing to pretend you are wonderful at everything in order to appear confident and succeed almost like you are playing the part of a favourite actor every time you leave the house. Perhaps many people who appear outwardly confident have been doing this for years and are really one step away from being a nervous wreck.

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Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up!

6 thoughts on “Delusional Fantasy or Healthy Confidence?”

  1. Have you ever heard of doing “I am” affirmations? It helps a great deal with anxiety. I’ve tried and others I know with anxiety have tried it. It seems silly at first but it does work. We are all beautiful smart helpful wonderful people at the core and reminding yourself with I am affirmations can help. Worth a try?

  2. Thanks for your reply rainbowheartbeat. I have heard of it but am still not sure it could work. This is what I mean about being delusional. I dont for one second believe that we are all “beautiful smart helpful wonderful people at the core.” in fact i think many people are obnoxious,cruel, selfish,evil and damn nasty so is making myself believe good things about myself by just saying them a lie I can do? In reality at the back of my mind that little voice will keep saying ” I am a hated, I am a loser, I am too old now, I am useless etc” Its like a similar thing on anxiety forums of thinking of 3 positive things for the day when I struggle with 3 for the month. Perhaps you have to recover from a certain amount of depression in the first place before these things become useful.

  3. My self-esteem was non-existent and I had a lot of self-loathing as a teenager. It went on to fuck up my early twenties. I now have a very different mindset after a lot of reading and therapy. I think that self-confidence doesn’t come from skills/looks/external factors, it comes from setting boundaries and being assertive. You can be old, ugly etc, but you don’t allow others to step over you for these perceived flaws.

    1. I’m not sure. I think a lot of confidence comes from past success and upbringing. At school or work I dont know how you stop people bullying or pushing you around when you are isolated without getting violent as anything you say or do is often ridiculed.

      1. Like you, I have an anxious mother, but as dysfunctional as my family was back then, we at least go on vacations and I have good childhood memories. I wish I could go back in time and celebrate your birthday with you when you were a kid. I was bullied in secondary school and I vividly remember the bully shouting at me in front of the teacher and the whole class, but the teacher did nothing. Now that I think about it, the turning point was when I made the decision to pretend to be friendly when I got the chance to start afresh as a freshman in college. I was(And will always be)the quiet one, but I acted as a friendly, smiling one…Unnatural as it seemed. I did all the research on my disorders and sought professional help on my own though, so I really didn’t have any past successes to lean on but trials and errors. It’s like the sense of desperation drove me to do it. But one thing for sure is that the improvements can be far quicker and obvious than you expect, if you keep trying all kinds of things. I honestly believe that small steps can be helpful for you. After reading your entries, I started rooting for your recovery. You already pushed yourself and went to a trip with your friend. That is somewhere to build confidence on. All the best.

  4. Thanks although the holiday was a one off like most things and I still had some bad moments. The problem is that I then have no contact with anyone for weeks again and usually go backwards. I did see the dentist last week and that was easier than last time. I may book to see the doctor about my suspected diabetes as well.

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