Well, I know what’s right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
But I’ll stand my ground and I won’t back down
I Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty
I think I would really like to go now. I can’t bare another depressing lonely christmas day afternoon drunk alone watching TV again with such a hopeless future ahead of me. A constant struggle , battle to get money, to get any help. The NHS is on the verge of collapse as it is. People constantly try to make you feel guilty for having SA and then seem amazed when it doesn’t work and it makes you want to die instead.Whatever they say about being positive or trying more all it comes down to in the end is acting normal. If you can’t act normal people dont want to F**k you, befriend you or hire you for a job. I dont get on with people in real life or online and yet loneliness and failure eat at my soul relentlessly most days. Even now so many days are very hard to get though, I could not take it if I was being relentlessly hounded to look for work that doesn’t exist as well or they starve me. Enough humiliation already.