A day in the sun

15851228666_518bd39d2c_bI went out on Monday to a place I like and have been to many times. Chatsworth House in Derbyshire. Its was the setting for Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley and is set in the beautiful Peak District national park.It was mostly a nice sunny November day. For those who dont live in the Uk the Saturday and Sunday before were dull and cloudy, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and today are dull and cloudy. Tomorrow, Sunday and Monday are due to be dull and cloudy. I dont mean its mostly cloudy. I mean there has been no sun whatsoever on all of the other days at all apart from last Monday  The Uk is not so much wet as 95% cloudy.  I think it adds to mood swings especially when it gets dark at 4PM at this time of year anyway.

Anyway i went out. It took 2 trains and a bus to get there and of course waiting and hoping all of them run on time both there and back is an anxiety inducing nightmare on its own. The thing was I felt terrible. I was irritable the whole time and kept trying to avoid people and did not really enjoy it at all. At one point I even had to go and lean against a tree and do some deep breathing exercises as I felt like hiding. Many people have far worse anxiety attacks than me so I have no idea how they cope. However the advice yet again is keep doing it, keep doing it as if exposure alone will make you get better. Perhaps that only works if you are young and not suicidally depressed though. I think once depression hits you recovery from anxiety becomes much harder. Don’t tell the anxiety forums though. They will just call me a coward or say I am making excuses. I know how they DEMAND positivity!


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