I’ve just been looking on the friends in need forum which is a UK based forum for depression.the forum is so people can support each other and even meet up in person. I’m sure it happens. Most mental health forums have meets and some people really do make real life friends. However I’ve just read one post from someone who is having a terrible time and finished with “Can anyone offer a shred of hope?” Apparently not as it was posted over 2 weeks ago and not one reply. I wish I could help but my own life is a bigger mess than his and I went on the site looking for help myself.And of course this is why so many self help forums are completely useless as so many people feel ignored and this makes them feel even worse. They might as well become religious. I am sure it would offer more comfort in the long run and religious people in their area would probably be of far more help. Mind you he has posted an avatar of himself and looks even older than me and we know 99% of the internet is young people just looking for someone they fancy.
It’s been much harder to find success that a lot of the advice I have read advocates. I remember when I was younger at work and the feelings of not being one of them, not one of the crowd, different and weird but most of all extremely disliked. I felt a quite intense jealousy and even rage when I saw other people going out and enjoying themselves so easily when I could not. Even today reading that you should stand up straight and speak in a clear loud voice to overcome SA. I once tried speaking louder and was told I was shouting and speaking in a strange voice and laughed at so this of course made me much worse, not better.
Of course this often angers some people as they assume you are simply making excuses or not trying hard enough which once again to me show their complete ignorance of their advice. Yet the conclusion is that you will quickly improve. Once again, total crap. You only improve with success not continuous failure. It also ignores secondary disorders like sweating, blushing and stammering. Why does much of the advice always assume you are just a bit shy and with a kick up the backside will quickly improve? Like going to meets.
Something the other day struck a chord with me as a girl once said something similar about me at work. It was long the lines of people who don’t like themselves are hard work and no fun to be with. Well quite obviously so are people with severe SA, mental illness and depression! That’s why they often don’t go to meets as they are fearful of being disliked and yet the advice on here is often that meets are the greatest thing on earth for curing SA. Is this for only moderate SA and you have to be cured of everything else first in which case it could make you feel even worse. When you feel so low you don’t know how to get through each day why would you agree to meet other people if you are being judged as too miserable?
I nearly went on a meet a couple of year ago because of loneliness and yes even some guilt tripping due to the obsessive advice on a forum. Ignoring my older age which makes any meet pretty much pointless anyway what the hell would I have talked about? Clearing the diarrhoea stains out of the carpet from my dying mother? Yes, I’m sure that would have cheered everyone up! If you go to any kind of social event and people don’t like you, then they will never want to see you again so you of course not only don’t improve but become even more paranoid. It’s much like using anxiety froums really. If people don’t like you they avoid you. We are so designed to like positivity that we usually ignore negative people, demonise them by claiming they are wallowing in self pity and its all their own fault to justify disliking them. So the people who need help the most often get worse and go into a negative spiral and some never come out of it.