Walking back to happiness?

I went out walking every other day this week. It helps to lesson feelings of depression and anxiety. I can usually cope mentally until about 1PM but lonely boring afternoons depress the crap out of me. This goes all the way back to early childhood when I never had friends or anywhere to go at weekends or during school holidays and the atmosphere of home was often depressing and not good or happy.  The downside is that I ache quite a bit the next day especially with my dodgy right hip problems. I went on an early outing last Saturday to the Peak District which is a national park. It was quite good although getting two trains and a bus there and back was a pain in the ass and being a weekend meant that it was crowded too so not much solitude. On Monday I went to the local wood and country park and nearly got chased by a stag. Wednesday the Botonic gardens and yesterday a walk up the canal. Another downside is that I often get paranoid when out alone and everyone else is in couples or groups which is why I crave isolation.

One of the problems of never learning to drive is that I am always dependent on public transport which is often expensive and unreliable. It also means that its pretty much impossible to get out of the midlands and back within a day so new places become much harder to visit and I have been to most nearby places of interest by now anyway. It also increases my anxiety as one of my biggest fears is being stuck in the back of beyond because the train has been cancelled.Of course I have never been abroad. Having socially anxious parents meant that they were as bad as me and we never went out much at all when I was young although we did have a weekly holiday near Skegness for a few years in my teens. If I ever need to use a passport or driving license for ID purposes to use the NHS as recently reported then I’m f**cked and it actually really annoys me that so many people just assume that EVERYONE has been abroad or drives or even has a mobile phone which I dont have either.


Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

4 thoughts on “Walking back to happiness?”

  1. Just curious, were you born premature? You sound like a long time sufferer, like me. My mom gave me the impression that I couldn’t be touched in the contraption they had me in. Babies need human contact, or they develop social problems. Some people know the incident that caused their problem, like molestation. I was either born with my problem or the problem manifested before I was out of the cradle. I was even a quiet baby. If you have theories about what caused your problem and don’t mind sharing; I would appreciate your thoughts on the subject.

    1. Hi,although I have never thought about it before I was somewhat premature as I was born with a hair lip which is one of the last parts of the body to develop in the womb and mine wasn’t ready when I was born. However, since both my sister and brother also had anxiety and extreme shyness from childhood I assume its nothing to do with being premature in my case. Its almost certainly a family issue as my mother, several of her sisters and brothers and even my grandmother had anxiety problems going way back in time.In fact if I ever went to a psychiatrist I am sure they would identify my parents behavior as classic examples of the type who would turn out shy children.

      1. I suspect the hair lip contributed to your problem; any disfigurement can make people self conscious. Genetics may make someone anxiety prone, but I believe there must be other elements that contribute to what you are anxious about. I’ve gone for treatment and doctors made things worse. Hopefully, you can keep with with your photography hobby. I think we have to settle for the little pleasures..

  2. Yes, I do like photography although I hate being watched as I take photos. Actually the hair lip may have caused other problems as I cant smile naturally and have to curl my upper lip up rather like a horse which is probably why i never smiled as a kid. I was also quite fat at school and bullied a lot by my older brother.I dont think its so much one incident that caused my overall anxiety though as to being brought up by parents with mental problems. Perhaps its everything combined.

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