I went out yesterday afternoon and as usual took my camera with me. I hated it. I hated every single second of it and came back really pissed off. Exposure to stimuli does not always make you feel better. I’ve been out on my own thousands of times over the last few years and I still hate it. I hate it because of other people. Even trying to take pictures there are people everywhere all the time, constantly getting in the way. Always in couples or groups, always looking and staring and judging.It agitates me when I try and take pictures and people so often seem to get in the way and then stay in the way. Its almost feels like a supernatural force is controlling things from above just to piss me off. I once again starting speaking to myself yesterday as I often do when feeling agitated and once again somebody was hiding behind a bush and heard every word I said making me feel more mental then ever so I went home. I get agitated and stressed every time I go out which is why I crave isolation so much. This is even excluding the times I have had people abuse me or on that one occasion punch me in the face. I get paranoid and think people are laughing at me all the time. Hardly surprising when I have had people laugh at me for walking funny. It doesn’t get better at all.