Spinning in infinity.

I have no peace, no quietness.
I have no rest, but only turmoil.

How easy is it to really change? People often tell you to sort yourself out as if its simply laziness. Ignoring mental health problems(doesn’t everyone?) just how easy is this at an older age? if you have been long term unemployed just how easy is it to get work. I have read that people with long term unemployment are classified in the same way by many employers as ex cons and their CV thrown in the bin on sight. With many people applying for each position you have got much less chance and yet all unemployed people are currently being treated as if they are just lazy work shy benefit scroungers. There appears to be little help to actually get you into work even if you are desperate.

Just how easy is it to get help from the doctor. My own family got virtually none except pills which my doctor said would probably do not good anyway and yet a young doctor on TV recently said that treatment for depression and anxiety was much better now. really? there are a host of nightmare stories on forums of people desperately seeking help sometimes after years of struggle and being treated with virtual contempt or as a nuisance by their doctor when they finally force themselves to go. Even my friend was told to just get a boyfriend many years ago as if that  would cure her!

Meeting people and socialising. Just how easy is it to make new friends especially if you are older? Pretty hard if my own experiences are anything to go by. I did actually make one good friend online and even regularly meet them in real life. However the vast majority of people, even those who contacted me first never get back or give up with me pretty quick. What the f**k were they expecting? The world wittiest most charismatic man? Their saviour? I am on a social anxiety forum after all and this site is called DEATH by SHYNESS which sort of says it all.  Then there is a host of people who obsessively advise getting out in the real word and going to events and meets and yet none of these people show the slightest interest in even talking to me online so why would anyone else in real life? Do they all imagine a place where all the socially inept freaks go to meet? I won’t even go into relationships with my history.

Once you’ve dug yourself into a hole after years of failure it can be very hard to haul yourself back out. The hard truth which is often ignored is that this is as much to do with other people and society as your own character and will. Once classified as a loser and something wrong with you than not many people are willing to give you a chance. It feels like game over.


2 thoughts on “Spinning in infinity.

  1. mbracedefreak April 30, 2015 / 1:18 pm

    I wish I had answers, but I don’t. My opinion on Scientology has changed; they hate psychiatrists. Some people may find help, but I’m to the point I rather see a monkey. The meds should be free until you find something that works because they appear to run bad drug trials to make big pharma rich. I can only speak for my personal experience, but spending money on drugs and the treatment, but not seeing benefit; just makes things worse.

  2. klodo April 30, 2015 / 6:52 pm

    Thanks for your comment. I have a friend who was seeing a therapist who was by all accounts a vile man and a bully and even disliked by his own staff! Once someone reaches a certain level in the medical profession they appear to be almost untouchable and no one evaluates them any more. I know there are no real answers to my questions but I like to write them down as part of my own therapy. For years the only advice I have ever read for conquering certain anxiety issues is to go out more and and meet people then when that doesn’t work there is nothing left. I think its because the advice often ignores how incredibly judgmental the vast majority of people are and if we dont meet certain standards of acceptable behavior people dont want to see us again either as friends or as something more. This only increases feelings of paranoia and avoidance.

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