The Power of the Heart

Unfortunately the overwhelming anxiety has not relented. I tried going out for three long walks this week but nothing has helped. Even worse it was my birthday today and despite my sister coming for a short time this morning it just makes me feel worse. This was the first time in 6 weeks I have spoken more than a sentence to a real human being. My birthday was never particularly celebrated that much even when I was a child.My parents never even got me a cake and I never did have a party of any kind. Mad parents, mad children.Now it’s just a reminder of my failure and years of unhappiness.

I even started drinking in the afternoon today, well if you can’t drink more on your birthday then when can you? However it just made me more upset and I started to get frustrated and ended up punching myself in the head again. I fear a summer of feeling this unrelentingly bad and with no way out and I will be desperate to do anything to leave. Maybe I should learn to love myself because some stranger on a self help forum advises it and this will cure me of everything! It becomes clear advice such as this and the think of three positives each day does not come from someone with real depression.


Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

4 thoughts on “The Power of the Heart”

    1. Maybe but just telling someone to love/like themselves is about as useful as telling someone to stop being depressed or stop being shy.

      if almost everyone has disliked and avoided you all your life why on earth would you like yourself?

      1. Because my intrinsic value does not come from people’s opinion about me. I know my worth and the God who created me knows and affirms my worth. Psalms 139 verse 14.

      2. But you just can’t demand someone love themselves and get angry if they dont as if they are choosing not to. Our own self worth often comes from the opinions of our family and our upbringing. Not everyone has such religious convictions either although religious brainwashing may be just as beneficial as motivational brainwashing.

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