The shame of the shy

A lot of being shy is hiding that you are shy from the rest of the world. I remember what it was like as a young man at work. To admit that I was shy was just about one of the most humiliating and embarrassing things I could think of.  Men who are shy are seen as weak, timid,maybe effeminate and of course losers. You dont go anywhere or do things because acting shy is just so incredibly embarrassing. You turn down the odd offer of going out as you know the ridicule that will follow when they see me act shy so just forcing yourself to go out and assuming you get better does not work. Its a complete lie.Confidence is not just important in getting a girl, it’s just as important for success in work so your career suffers also and you often struggle to find friends.

I know lots of women have their lives f**ked up by SA but I am still not sure that this shame and ridicule is heaped upon women for being shy as it is for men. It should be but our society is still very prejudiced. Lots of this historically has been in favour of men of course. However men that are long term unemployed are much more likely to commit suicide. Thats because according to research our western culture still sees men as the provider, the bread winner, the protector, the man of the house. This psychological aspect means that men who fail in work feel so much shame and guilt that they are far more likely to top themselves.

Shy men are also seen as cowards. Only yesterday on a primetime UK TV program I saw an adult man tell a school boy to just man up and go chat a girl up at a party. He was only about 12 but society heaps this shame on males all the time from a very early age. Chat up lines for instance are spoken to elusively from a man’s point of view as women dont usually need chat up lines as its the mans job to approach women and impress them and why its probably far more important for a man to tell jokes to put a woman more at ease and get her to like him. Women usually impress a man by looking good hence women usually wear makeup, jewellery, wear their hair long and wear far more revealing clothing. Loneliness may affect both male and females equally but only shy males are seen as cowardly and thus made to feel guilty for not being a proper man. This shame is so overpowering you often get males hide themselves away even more or if the worst comes to the worst end their lives.


Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

2 thoughts on “The shame of the shy”

  1. SA is very hard, to say the least. You are brave to talk about it here. Also, it is healing to write. Journalism about this helps a lot. Although I have overcome a lot of shyness, that feeling will always be down deep in my soul. Good luck! It’s so hard to put yourself out there. To read a man’s perspective is eye-opening for me. I knew men felt SA, etc. but since I never perceived that as weakness I didn’t realize that affects man. That makes SA even harder. Wish our society did not perpetuate that. I’m a healing artist who uses writing and/or art together or separate in workshops to help those like you feel better.

  2. Thanks for your reply. Because of our modern obsession with equality I think we ignore that men and women have always behaved quite differently especially when it comes to courtship and relationships. I prefer to write here as I can delete any abusive replies which i would get from angry but totally ignorant people on a self help forum.

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