I have thought much of the advice for social anxiety to be complete crap for a long time. Phrases such as Just be yourself, Feel the fear and do it anyway and of course being more positive by telling someone Just do it! never did me any good at all. The worst of the lot however is Learn to love/like yourself! which is pretty useless if your own family and no other people have liked you, then why on earth would you learn to like yourself. Every single brain cell in your head is telling you. “Everyone hates you, You must be a real C**T!” I wondered if my level of SA was more severe and much of this advice only worked on people with moderate anxiety.
I was not surprised then to read on the shyness and social anxiety guy’s blog that;
1. You must IGNORE 95% of the articles, books and advice out there.
I would of course go further and say Ignore 95% of the advice on social anxiety forums! It just confused me and was so hypocritical and different to all my experiences of anxiety in my own life. Take relationships for example whereas the forums often claim that men and women are identical and won’t allow any debate on the issue whereas as I mentioned previously virtually no women ever chat men up ever so a shy man is much more likely to be a virgin and alone into later life and as lone men cope far worse than women, they are far more likely to die young from poor health or even commit suicide.
Anxiety forums also make you feel endlessly guilty for not doing things all the while and obsessively praise anyone who is positive as if they are choosing to be positive and thus somehow superior. Oh of course, I just choose to be suicidally depressed because it’s so much fun! Also since social anxiety forums are dominated by young people who are just a bit shy and are desperate for sex it would be no more use to me going to one of their meets than it would going to a students meet and at over 40 I would feel even more weird. I bet they would call be creepy behind my back too even though these same forums claim age is not relevant at all! Liars. As soon as I mention my age 95% of them ignore me and never reply to anything I post again. There’s also hardly anyone on SA forums over 40! Its ridiculous! They can’t all recover or kill themselves by the age of 39!
The other thing I agree totally on is positive affirmations are shit;
In fact, every scientific study recently done on affirmations has consistently shown that they don’t work, and can even make you feel worse!
Yes, thats true as they always made me feel worse. Such as the classic one on forums of thinking of 3 good things that happened to you each day. I went through their entire lists of examples and found out I could not do even one as I was,am totally isolated and never speak to another human for weeks or do anything enjoyable for weeks so it made me even more depressed and feel far worse.
I wish i knew what did work though before it’s too late. Changing your mindset to not really giving a f**k seems to work better than most theories.