I did not feel so bad yesterday and today depression and anxiety wise. I went shopping for a birthday present in the city centre on Friday afternoon. However the shop assistant asked me in a friendly banter type of way if I had had a nice day when I was at the counter and I just said “Fine thank you”. I can’t do banter. I did not even feel anxious or shy, I just can never think of pleasantries or small talk when only the day before I been thinking about suicide. It’s the main reason I dont want to meet new people. I have nothing to talk about that isn’t depressing. I wonder what the meets for depressed people are like. Yet the useless advice on self help forums and blogs is to remove negative people from your life. I am the negative one you stupid bastard! I just looked on the anxiety forum. Where are you going for your holidays? Nowhere. I have only been on one holiday in the last 30 years and would not go alone. I have no family and no job. When you are at the bottom how the hell do you claw your way back up again? Perhaps you don’t. its not as though I was normal when I was younger and have a normal personality to return to. I’ve always been mental and anxiety ridden, even before depression struck.