Hot and sweaty

The pain in my side seems to have gone away. Perhaps it really was nothing more than a strain although I have also switched my hayfever meds just in case. I am still drinking too much though but the good feelings the alcohol brings however fleeting are much better than reality.

If I had any kind of normal life to look forward too then i would probably try and stop but I have nothing and no future. I felt much better staying with a friend last week but after only 1 day back home I am talking to myself and getting highly stressed again.

I went on the Uk anxiety forum today as I had felt more positive but yet again it has left me feeling angry and actually worse. We are going through a heatwave in the UK(Eeeeeeek it’s over 90 degrees!). I only made some innocent comment about fat middle aged men should not go around topless in public after a walk into town and there were several replies almost insinuating that this was deeply offensive to fat people! Utter balls. No sane person wants to see a 50 year old man with enormous man boobs and covered in sweat walking down the street. He is hardly going to die from heat exhaustion with a T shirt on! These people are nuts, they really are.

It shows how some people will take offence at almost anything in order to piss themselves with moral outrage. It also shows yet again how using a self help forum when feeling depressed is like dancing with the devil.  Conclusion,conversing with nutty people will often make you feel even more nutty and not help at all. I have found so few people with social anxiety who are likeable on forums and the ones who are dont want to converse with me. Perhaps they see themselves as superior to me and I am not worthy of a reply. In which case they should acknowledge that they are just as judgemental as everyone else.Perhaps we are all c**ts in which case dont take the advice of  just  be yourself!

Just 3 days back home and I am starting to feel desperate again.

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