Pointless Advice

I’m still taken aback on anxiety forums how much of the advice is nothing more than just forcing yourself to talk to someone and then assuming that you come out of your shell and have a great conversation especially in regards if you fancy someone. In reality even if I had a girl smiled at me when I was at work and even if I liked her then the most basic conversation was almost impossible without severe awkwardness and if I did indeed try I would make a complete idiot of myself.  I was so shy that if I thought a girl liked me I would actually avoid her even more so I would not blush and stutter. its pretty much impossible to describe to people that have not gone through it. The feelings of shame, embarrassment and failure were overpowering and left me feeling a total failure.

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Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up!

4 thoughts on “Pointless Advice”

  1. Hi there! I sense so much frustration and hopelessness inside you I couldn’t move on without saying a few words to you. I totally relate to you when it comes to sucking at social situations except that I’m a girl, and that makes things a little different regarding dating. But, according to my experience, if you accept, respect and love yourself no matter what your conditions are you actually attract people that like you. I mean you don’t have to force yourself or do anything that feels awkward to you just because something is considered a norm and if you don’t follow it you’re a weirdo. Please, stop resisting yourself and don’t give your power away to your anxiety. It’s a part of your reality at the moment and maybe it’s ok for the time being. Just stay with yourself. Your feelings are valid, don’t hate yourself because of them.

  2. Hi, thanks for your reply. I have seen this type of advice many times and may have even written about it previously but I have absolutely no idea how to accept, respect and love myself when no one else ever has. Indeed I felt hated for many years at work and especially by girls who seemed to assume my shyness was simply rudeness or bad manners for not making conversation and having witty things to say as they always expected a man to speak first. I know that it may be a shock as most people who talk about SA on the internet seem to be still in their twenties but the reality is that I am over 40 now so its unlikely to change without divine help.

  3. I know exactly how you feel about the supposed success of just forcing yourself to talk to people. I also have social anxiety, and I have to admit, I got lucky boyfriend-wise. If he hadn’t asked me out, I’d probably be alone right now. I guess it’s a little easier for girls, since we’re not usually the ones who ask for a date. All considering, there’s probably not a lot of advice I could give you on how to move forward. If you’re anything like me when it comes to social anxiety, you’ve got a multitude of excuses or previous failures lined up that make it difficult to take advice or believe that it will help. Plus, I’m probably as knee deep in it as you are. But there’s something to be said for loving yourself, for finding those things inside you that you feel proud of regardless of what other people think. And even just not caring what other people think is a start. It’s never too late to start over, move away from the hatred, build a better life for yourself. I might be in my twenties, but I could very well be where you are in twenty years even if I did attempt to overcome my anxiety, and I bet there are people in their sixties with social anxiety, wishing they could be forty again, that they had more time. I’m currently doing an online therapy for SA that was started by a guy (Dr. Thomas Richards) who was in his 40s when he finally got over his social anxiety. Obviously, it’s not easy to get over social anxiety, but it’s always possible.

  4. Hi Manda,
    Thanks for your reply. I think not caring what other people think is very important as long as you dont take it too far. I dont think its just a matter of exposure to cure SA like some people do though but completely changing our way of thinking and attitude first which can be the hardest part. Despite my problems I have made one very good female friend online who I visit several times per year so almost anything is possible I suppose. I also think I was getting much better until I was made redundant and now I have depression issues as well . Its just as hard to go on meets and mix with people when depressed as being anxious especially if they are expecting you to be friendly and cheerful. Anyway,I better go now before I moan away all night, good luck with the therapy!

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