Sadness

I wish i could just get rid of this overwhelming sadness I feel all the time.  I am reading a book which is one of series I have been reading for years and the wife of the main character just died and I find myself weeping. (Fool’s Assassin by Robin Hobb). I project so much sadness from other sources into my own life and it affects me as if I knew the people myself or they were real. For instance I saw the real peak practice on BBC1 last Thursdays and when the man who progressively lost all function from his body and eventually died and also you see the elderly couple edging towards death it really does make me feel desperately sad.

I vividly remember seeing a TV program many years ago when I was still at school where this old man wakes up next to his elderly wife and then realises she has died in her sleep and just shrieks “Oh No!” and starts crying as she has left him and he is now all alone. This desperate sadness has never left me.There is just so much sadness especially old people who get shoved into homes and no one visits them anymore which I saw daily when visiting my own dying mother a couple of years ago. We only cope by ignoring all this pain around us and pretending it’s never going to happen to us. Its too late to have children myself now so I will no doubt be alone when i am old if I ever get that far. Virtually all the advice for getting over Sa and depression is about staying positive yet I find it so difficult in the world were living in.  There are so many sad people even on the Uk anxiety forum. I feel their pain and yet can offer no help as I feel just as bad and fear the future so much myself.

Yes, I’m sorry its yet another miserable post!

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