I hear the advice often of making sure you don’t come across as too desperate, too eager to other people. Yet of course in the wonderful world of internet advice hypocrisy you also get the advice almost ad infinitum of feel the fear and do it anyway, force yourself to go out to everything, keep trying to talk to people at every chance.(so you appear desperate to people!) It’s hardly surprising it gets confusing then. Of course being too desperate shows that there is something wrong with you and as previously stated by me many times before humans are nothing more than an animal and evolution moulded us to avoid faulty people. Don’t appear desperate is usually in relation to dating but also applies to friendships as all the cool kids hang out together at school and the freaks and weirdos are excluded or if they are lucky form a loony alliance of nerds and geeks just like in the sitcom, the Big Bang theory. Of course in the real world they don’t have a hot female neighbour next door who befriends them.
One aspect of appearing too desperate is losing your dignity. I am quite honestly still embarrassed at some of the friends I had at school and especially at work. It’s like I mixed with anyone who would talk to me as that was better than being alone. I think a lot of shy girls do this with relationships and they go out with any man who chats them up so the are not alone and so end up with assholes. When I look back they all befriended me first as they were the talkative types. For instance two quiet people never talk to each other so never make friends even if compatible which is why its so hard to make friends on an anxiety forum. When on occasion I tried to be friendly with someone I actually liked they shunned me so my confidence nose-dived. I still wonder did they think me a freak and not worthy of their attention or did I come across poorly with my abysmal social skills. Either way failure destroyed my confidence and created even greater avoidance.