Sex and the single shy man

Its quite sad reading men’s tales of still being a virgin at 30+ on the social anxiety forums.Its not just the loneliness and sexual frustration, its the fear of ridicule from others. How dare other people ask why you have still not got a girlfriend by a certain age! Its not like a job, you dont have to have one as if you have to explain yourself! There’s already 7 billion people on the planet. Its not your job to procreate and spread your genes any more! Of course I dont even answer them as I am over 40 and never so much as touched a girl/woman/female/human being. I did not even know what a woman’s private parts looked like until I saw it on the internet not that long ago.I didn’t feel aroused at all as I have a fear of sexial intimacy and the thought of having sex actually makes me feel sick, yes sick! I’m that weird. Yes, i know I need a psychiatrist!

Even better and now it gets even weirder I was pretty much asexual until I was 27 when I first managed to ejaculate(on my own obviously!)and as soon as I did I started to get far more aroused.It was like going through puberty at 27! Before that I had very little interest in females and an extremely low sex drive. I could appreciate attractive women, even become slightly aroused but i was so used to getting no reaction from below that I simply assumed I had faulty testicles, not enough testosterone and some weird chemical imbalance.  I often forget all this when talking about being a shy young man. Even without my social anxiety I still would not have been able to have sex so what was the point of getting into a relationship anyway? I even thought then that perhaps just laying with a woman would activate my penis as if pressing a button. I had no idea! Its strange to think now at the age of 40+ I have 10 times more sex drive than I did as a teenager!  Its easy to see why I am such a mentally insane loner now isn’t it?

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8 thoughts on “Sex and the single shy man

  1. You’re not insane honey – you’re just ‘you’. From what I know of you from your posts, you’re a caring and thoughtful person with a big heart. Don’t be too hard on yourself, I for one, think you’re great. 😊

  2. Thanks,thats very nice of you. Mind you I was talking to myself on a walk this afternoon and someone spotted me again so I’m probably a bit insane!

  3. Don’t worry. Dating and sex really are not all they made up to be. That’s why I haven’t participated in either one for almost ten years. Yes I do have a mental health diagnosis (schizophrenia). I also hate how modern dating and hook up culture is run. In my case I never could just ask out or hook up with some girl until I knew them well. By then I got stuck in the friend zone. Finally I just stopped chasing women. And my life has been less stressful ever since.

  4. Hi, thanks for your comment and sorry to hear of your problems. For me it’s always been the isolation and loneliness rather than sex which I can easily go without(as I have done for over 40 years!) Lack of human contact I think is a major cause of mental illness.

  5. Even at my age, I already end up feeling ashamed at family gatherings, as one of my sisters and both my cousins (who are all younger than me) have boyfriends, and someone will always point out that I’ve never had a boyfriend. My brother also had a girlfriend until recently. He’s only 16 and yet he has far more relationship experience than I may ever have. Anyway, sorry for the rant there.

    I agree that a lack of human contact/ relationships is a major cause of mental illness, particularly depression. It’s also somewhat reassuring to know that it’s not just me who feels sick (with anxiety) when I think of having sex. You’re not insane.

  6. Hi Gemma, actually i think it may be harder at your age as everybody seems to be going out,socialising and having relationships so you stand out even more.Perhaps when you get older people stop asking although of course that does not stop that hidden sadness inside or the loneliness. Best wishes to you.

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