A Negative Kind of Day

You get warned about being too negative as if this is the reason you fail and people avoid you. For christ’s sake of course I’m negative, i’ve never even been on a date,had a relationship let alone sex, it didn’t get better, nothing magical happened. I am not 23 either, I am well over 40! I have one friend but only see her about 4 times a year and never speak to anyone for weeks.The lame idea that all I had to do was go places and try talking more and it would have all been fine is bullshit. Someone even suggested going out every day walking your dog would make you friends or even get you a date!  I walked my dogs for about 16 years and can count on one hand the number of people I spoke to. I barely ever remember seeing an attractive female with a dog yet alone having the confidence to approach her and burst into general jokes and befriend her to ask her out!  Don’t people who offer such advice ever get it? Very shy people dont behave like a normal person. You blush, stutter and make an idiot of yourself so you have no confidence whatsoever as people laugh at you. When I saw a pretty girl I did not think, “What A great opportunity for witty banter and a date! “I thought “Better avoid her in case you act like a freak and she thinks you are a creepy weirdo!”

My job was with a boring low paid menial shithole company which again never really changed. They did try to give me a team leader position but even that made me feel sick with anxiety.It was pretty much like doing some kind of punishment work like they used to give to prisoners except I went home at the end of the day.  Oh and most of my family had anxiety and mental problems and I was never happy there either. If you have known a life of failure and unhappiness then of course you are going to be negative. Much of life is. You get old and shit your pants like my elderly mother the day before she died.  Yet some strangers on various self help websites tell you to smile, be more positive, be nice to people and think you can change your mindset and then life( I was going to say in an instant) but oh no they love telling you with hard work as if you are just being lazy if you dont. I can’t even smile properly FFS due to my weird hair lip. I look more like a braying horse! When things dont get better they then start to blame you as if you chose this, enjoy self pity, are too lazy to change and ignore the fact that going from total failure to success means doing things that actually work and give you confidence, not things constantly going wrong which makes you more avoidant. Yes, its been a bad day again.

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4 thoughts on “A Negative Kind of Day

  1. i understand why it’s frustrating to be expected to be happy and positive in order to get attention from people. life got me down pretty early. it’s gotten a lot better, but you can say that i’m still a pessimist. people say that everyone has bad times and what not, but i bet everyonye that is able to enjoy life wasn’t bullied and called fat and ugly every single day of their life during the developmental pre- and teenage years. i’m so sorry that you deal with what you deal with.

    • Hi and thanks, yes alot of our issues come from our childhood. My mother had serious anxiety too and I was rarely happy. In fact I was almost sick with nerves every time I went back to school after a holiday or even the weekend. I’m sorry you had such problems and pleased you are better now. I was also very overweight when younger.

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