The End of Summer

In just one day It felt like summer had gone. A cold and wet Monday and the last public holiday before Christmas.The end of August and the end of summer. I once again ventured out into the crowds but felt just as bad as I have done before. The obvious but never spoken about conclusion to much of my mental health problems is that just thinking positive has had no effects whatsoever. When you are not only alone but have always been and always will. When you have felt different and never connected with people from your earliest childhood memories throughout your life then this becomes normality. The only solution is to find ways of coping, to minimizes the emotions of pain and loneliness with alcohol, music, TV and walks. When feeling bad nothing works. Walking along the canal in cold and drizzle on a bank holiday afternoon is to be walking through the pain of your entire life and it won’t go away. Another obvious conclusion is that when feeling overwhelming sadness and misery is that you are appalling company so advice to meet people, most likely strangers who are quick to judge is completely useless. You isolate yourself because you know people hate misery so will dislike and avoid you so how do you connect or even learn to connect in the first place. So much advice for anxiety and depression is just hypocritical bullshit.

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