Down and out?

I think my anxiety has been totally overpowered by depression at the moment. Despite an occasional good day or walk the next few are then awful again.My sleep has been terrible and I awake feeling tense and irrirtable all day and even going on walks has made me feel worse, not better.So much so that I got home yesterday afternoon and starting drinking at 3.30 in the afternoon. Walking is not always great if you live in the middle of a city and only have the same places to go every day especially when suffering paranoia about the way I walk.  When depressed and hopeless everything becomes much harder, even going to the shops, watching tv and listening to music is boring and does nothing to lift me. I feel aching and tired as soon as I get up.Any small annoying thing that happens makes me feel enraged and wanting to hit something. I have been drinking way too much again as anything is better than feeling tense but of course this only makes me feel worse later on. Meditation is impossible as I live in a very noisy area. In fact nearly all online advice without medication for depression is almost as useless as it is for social anxiety. I’ve begun to think of death every day again. Some advice assumes depression is only temporary and that good times will return but they dont take into account being a 40+ year old unemployed loner who never speaks to anyone for weeks on end and can see no relief, ever.

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4 thoughts on “Down and out?

  1. Thanks Sarah, I feel a little better today after doing some gardening and trying to keep busier. Even the odd Ok day feels good though. HUGS back to you.

  2. You’re totally not alone! We might never met before, but I really do hope you feel better. I know the pain is too much to handle. You did great that you able to survive. Know that I will give you virtual hug every time you feel awful, hoping that you will feel better. Best of luck!!

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