Friday Afternoon Walk

I went for a walk in the woods yesterday afternoon. Its hard to do when you live in the city as you need to get a bus to get anywhere and of course I don’t drive.The craving for peace and to get away was intense and there were moments of isolation but the reality of my ever increasing anxiety resulted in me getting extremely agitated by other people several times and even quite upset. The truth is that when I am feeling very down doing things to cure by anxiety does little to help as my anxiety just ruins anything that I do and I still feel awful. Its just as if someone has flicked a switch on my brain to depression factor 10 and this feelings of hopelessness, paranoia and irritability just run through my veins regardless of what I do. I could easily see myself getting into a fight under such circumstances and I feel so irritable/enraged and occasionally come across ignorant yobbos or cyclists nearly running me down and shouting abuse at me and I want to kill them. Its now been 5 weeks to the day since I spoke more than a sentence to another person. Hopefully I will see my only friend tomorrow which may make me feel better for a short time.

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