Feelin’ non Groovy

Feeling much worse again. Every time I read advice on SA it seems so utterly far removed from the real world as to be a delusional fantasy. It’s hard not to be angry at most SA advice and yet it almost always comes with a tidal wave of positive comments like Great post!” which makes it look like you are just being a miserable negative bastard and thus deserving of unhappiness and loneliness.

Again it says keep practising conversation no matter how bad and uncomfortable it gets and how socially inept you are. Again it totally ignores the fact that utter failure increases anxiety and depression and makes you even worse, not better at future conversation. It’s a bit like a cricketer going out to bat and being bowled first ball for 0 for 500 successive innings and then being told if he keeps doing it he will eventually get good enough to play for England when he is really on the verge of a mental breakdown. It also ignores that social ineptitude repels normal people so every time you want to practice you would have to find a new person or group to talk to which is pretty hard if you work with the same group of people or never come across anybody new.

It again fails to address chronic blushing, stammering and mind blank which make even replying one word answers hard enough. It ignores poor body language such as my inability to smile or uncontrollable lower jaw which develops a life of its own mid sentence or my exceptionally weak voice. You are supposed to go out and make a fool of yourself and don’t forget that people will almost certainly ridicule you and then keep doing it in case you might get better one day. This feel the fear philosophy also fails to address how incredibly judgmental most other quite normal people are and how they will ignore you and want nothing to do with you once they realise that you are strange/weird/shy/boring/unemployed/inexperienced etc.

It also ignores that much conversation comes from real life events and if you have no family or friends and have spent every night of the year watching TV since you left school then you have little to talk about. When people ask what you did at the weekend and after saying not much for months in a row they will learn to not ask anymore and ignore you because you are boring. Most conversation also requires jokes and witticisms and if you are depressed and nervous as hell and regularly think about suicide then you are not going to engage people with positively and entertain them.

Sorry but there’s far more to success than just getting out more.

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5 thoughts on “Feelin’ non Groovy

  1. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I feel exactly like you do at this time in my life. I always think I want more friends, but whenever I go out with anyone I feel the loss of self and the loneliness of having nothing to talk about. Hope things improve for you.

  2. Thanks PwI, I also feel the same on anxiety forums. Some people send messages but almost always stop talking to me first as I must be too boring/miserable to interest them so they move on. None of the online advice mentions that constant failure actually increases anxiety and feelings of worthlessness so makes you worse, not better or how judgmental and cruel many people are if you act nervous around them.

  3. Sorry you are having such a rough time. Are there any social anxiety support groups around you? I would guess that that would be a more receptive place for practicing. Far less judgement and more understanding.

    • There is one but only about 2 people ever seem to attend. My misery puts me off though. My witty banter gene had died.

  4. Use them like they use you! Chat some nervous people, feel less anxiety/loneliness, then you found them boring and you need stop talking with them. Why should you care about someone who hurting you emotionally. It is a bit radical but, well, people always goes for their own self. Why don’t you do the same 🙂

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