The next two questions I got asked in the anxiety research-
- What do you think caused or causes your SA?
Almost certainly it was my upbringing. My mother suffered anxiety fro my earliest memories and could be aggressive, abusive and not particularly nice almost until her death. My father although a detective in the police which you would think would require confidence had no friends and never really went anywhere ever apart from work. He was pretty much devoid of emotion and certainly never showed me any affection whatsoever. Anxiety runs right across my mother’s family including her mother, sisters and brothers and even my cousins. I remember being humiliated even as a child by saying probably quite normal things and getting ridiculed which I think stifled any confidence. I was barely if ever praised or made to feel comfortable. I also think being the youngest by 5 years my brother copied much of this parent behaviour and then obsessively bullied me and put me down at every opportunity. We hardly ever went out as a family, never had celebrations such as parties or went out for meals and hardly ever had strangers come to the house.
- How do you see yourself?
This is much harder to answer. I can imagine how others see me but myself I find almost impossible to answer in such a general sense. Deeply unhappy, unfulfilled and racked with self doubt, guilt, shame, fear and the resignation of a very bleak future.