What do you think caused or causes your SA?

The next two questions I got asked in the anxiety research-

 

  1. What do you think caused or causes your SA?

 

Almost certainly it was my upbringing. My mother suffered anxiety fro my earliest memories and could be aggressive, abusive and not particularly nice almost until her death. My father although a detective in the police which you would think would require confidence had no friends and never really went anywhere ever apart from work. He was pretty much devoid of emotion and certainly never showed me any affection whatsoever. Anxiety runs right across my mother’s family including her mother, sisters and brothers and even my cousins.  I remember being humiliated even as a child by saying probably quite normal things and getting ridiculed which I think stifled any confidence. I was barely if ever praised or made to feel comfortable. I also think being the youngest by 5 years my brother copied much of this parent behaviour and then obsessively bullied me and put me down at every opportunity. We hardly ever went out as a family, never had celebrations such as parties or went out for meals and hardly ever had strangers come to the house.

 

  1. How do you see yourself?

This is much harder to answer. I can imagine how others see me but myself I find almost impossible to answer in such a general sense. Deeply unhappy, unfulfilled and racked with self doubt, guilt, shame, fear and the resignation of a very bleak future.

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Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up!

4 thoughts on “What do you think caused or causes your SA?”

  1. I think these are tough questions and very courageous of you to find and share honest answers. I hope you go on and ask your own questions, which are more present moment and forward looking. I believe there is always hope and change is inevitable. So my hope for you is that your past begins to release it’s hold on you, those emotions of guilt, shame and fear transform into gentle love and nurturing of yourself and the spark with in you of light and love transforms your view of yourself. This hope is sent with the spirit of Love from another human being.

  2. Thank you, that’s a very kind thing to say. I have had rare moments of clarity and even peace but it never lasts long. Its very hard past a certain age to believe in future happiness when it’s never happened before and when there are still so many barriers to overcome.

  3. I think you are showing confidence in answering these questions so openly. I can relate to your posts, but I do not have the bravery to write posts like this myself. Neither of my parents really had/have any friends and my mom too has intense anxiety, to the point where she gets sick to her stomach when the anxiety increases. She was never abusive, but she is not very nice either. At least I feel that way. But perhaps I take it too personally. Sorry, getting off on a tangent here. Bottom line- I see confidence just by you having the bravery to make these posts, which I enjoy.

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