There is a famous experiment where young attractive men go around asking random women if they want sex straight out of the blue. Virtually no women ever say yes to a stranger even if he is young and attractive. Then of course they do the opposite and loads of men are happy to say yes to a strange but attractive woman. This is not a “who has it worse” debate. There are enough of those on the net already. It’s just an example that men and women think differently and act totally differently. A lot of this may be down to culture but a lot is down to evolution too. There was an argument recently on a forum that implied that men have a higher sex drive and a female poster said it was completely random and lots of female has high sex drives. Yet the first thing I looked up on a scientific website said men had more sex drive overall on every test ever taken. We are different because we evolved differently. In most species of animal the male chases the female as he wants sex much more than females. I remember watching the male guppies in my fish tank chasing females all day long when I was a child. Are men really that much different. Its well known that men are driven by their dicks. On almost every wildlife documentary it’s the same.
The evolutionary reasons for this are quiet clear. Men are not only more sex obsessed but more visual. A woman impresses a man by looking good. Hence the female obsession with fashion, make up, jewellery, long hair and more revealing clothing in order to look more attractive. This has made many women think men are more shallow which in many ways is true I suppose. Women chose a man not just on looks but they are much more concerned with his character and personality. This is because she had to trust him in the days when getting pregnant and being left in the lurch could result in death. She had to like him and trust him to stay with her, to look after her and any offspring. This all goes back 50000 years of course as our brains are still wired to live on the plains of Africa and have changed little in all this time according to many scientists. Hence the flight or flight response which they always go on about in regards fear and anxiety and also comes from our long forgotten past in Africa.
What’s this got to do with a shyness blog? A lot I think. A man has to woo a woman, court her, and impress her usually with flirting behaviour including humour and jokes and gifts and shows of affection. It’s natural and normal. Historically he has been expected to ask her out, decide where to go and even pay although many share the bill now as the woman is often working in a similar job.(although surprisingly enough not on dating TV shows where the man still pays the bill almost every single time and gets slagged off when he deosn’t!) By contrast a woman has to look good to get a man to approach her and start the courtship process. A woman might smile at a man if she likes him, she may say hello or try and make small talk but seldom do women chat a man up, joke and tell stories or ask him out. The best looking girls I saw at work NEVER did any of this. They didn’t have to. They were so attractive they had guys virtually queuing up to chat them up. They could take their pick. Rich men of course have a much higher status and you see much older uglier businessmen going out with younger pretty girls as their wealth improves their status and desirability enormously. The same with male sports stars and old rock stars and even current presidents.
Again this is not to claim who has it worse so don’t get upset. It merely to emphasise that there are obvious differences and that men and women are not the same inside just because some people like to think we are. It’s merely from the view of a male suffering social anxiety almost all my life and the differences I find quite undeniable, for instance in sex and relationships. The only way I could possibly get a relationship was to find a girl I liked the look of(not easy as I never went anywhere!)and then try to make her like me by saying words. Yes, saying words. Words are hard for any shy person when speaking to a stranger, even more so if under the circumstances of trying to impress them and make them like you when you have no confidence in yourself whatsoever and you blush and stammer and sweat. I would need words that would interest her, intrigue her, amuse her, make her like me and thus agree to go out with me as long as I asked her out and knew somewhere to go. This from someone who was so shy that even basic conversation was awkward and I never went anywhere anyway so would have little idea of what to do. Little surprise that so many shy men stay virgins then. It’s hard work when you have to do all the work.