The Age of Loneliness

I watched The Age of Loneliness tonight which had been on the BBC a couple of weeks ago. It was very sad and had me in tears a couple of times. I hate to see that kind of desperation and sadness, its heartbreaking.Many of the people were old and alone having lost a partner after years together. However some were not and of course mental health and social anxiety are key ingredients of loneliness. In fact I can’t really think of many conditions which keep a person lonely for the majority of their life other than social anxiety. Hardly anyone for instance goes a lifetime without even having a partner but many with anxiety do as I can testify. It makes you think that you are weird beyond belief and that you must be evil or bad in some way but of course that is complete crap as I have said before many of the nastiest and most morally repugnant people almost all still have relationships and friends, just bad ones like themselves. It’s hard to admit to this stuff due to the fear of ridicule and social stigma and I remember having to lie when I was at work as every weekend was spent at home doing nothing apart from watching TV just like every birthday and every New Years Eve. Now I sometimes go weeks without speaking to another human in real life apart from shop staff so most things never got better at all. And of course if you admit this even on social anxiety forums if you are older  you sort of get the impression that people think its all your fault for not doing enough. After all thats the only advice all the time. Do stuff and keep doing stuff and your social anxiety will simply vanish. Allegedly. So if its does’t even more guilt is heaped upon you.

However the biggest problems with social anxiety compared to many types of loneliness is mainly when you do force yourself out and about and try to meet people through meet ups or clubs is that you come across so badly that people think you are mental(yes a girl did call me that at work once as well as zombie), unfriendly or just downright weird. The slightest thing would then set my paranoia into overdrive and I would give up or hide away again. Success from continuously doing stuff does not happen unless you learn to adapt and improve and constant awkwardness and not knowing what to say or what to do just made the anxiety worse. I remember still being young and watching the other young people at work flirting and getting on so easily even the new starters after just a couple of days. I was so jealous and confused. I still am in many ways. It was like a nightmare seeing them and knowing that I could never be one of them despite the fact that I knew that some of them were not good people at all and certainly no better than me. Some people are lonely at the end of life after many good memories but not many are lonely for almost all their lives. And of course we now know that long period of loneliness increase anxiety, depression and other physical conditions and are likely to lead to an earlier death. That’s why social anxiety is so serious.

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10 thoughts on “The Age of Loneliness

    • Hi, I’m sorry you are going through this too. Its hard to comprehend that good people can be left alone but I’ve seen so many complete assholes who easily get dates and even get married that the only thing that matters is confidence and being able to talk to people. Social anxiety stops this dead no matter how good we are.

  1. Great post. Most people don’t seem to realise that it’s not just elderly people who experience loneliness. I also can’t think of any other condition that could cause someone to be lonely for most/ all of their life, except perhaps Asperger’s Syndrome. Even other people with severe depression (but without social anxiety) seem to fair far better with colleagues, friendships and relationships than we do.

    • Thanks Gemma,yes, that’s true. Virtually every documentary I see with people who have mental health problems still nearly always seem to have been or are in a relationship. I always wonder how many people grow old and lonely with social anxiety and have never been diagnosed or even noticed by anyone.

  2. Been married almost 50 years and my wife and I got to talking. We have acquaintances but no friends and as shy and set in our ways I can’t even begin to imagine how we would be able to function if something happen to either one of us. To have to go out into the world and mingle is almost scary. I can only imagine how it must be for someone suffering from social anxiety.

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