So I eventually did see a doctor about my pain up the arse. Quite quickly too. Perhaps the NHS has got better in some ways. Thankfully it was haemorrhoids(also known as piles!) rather than cancer and she gave me some cream. Yes she, I had a female doctor to prod me up the bum. Well that’s the first and only time a female human has touched me anywhere remotely private and probably the last. Well apart from that nurse at infants school who appeared to do a penis test by squeezing it and saying “Did that hurt?” She seemed amazed I had not been in over 18 years but why would I if I had nothing physically wrong with me and told in the media constantly that the NHS is on the verge of meltdown. I briefly mentioned anxiety problems but she had only 10 minutes and I have a full check-up in 3 weeks. I am still unsure whether to go or if I do then do I mention how bad I really have been? After all what can they do at my age. Tablets to calm me down and CBT which has enormous waiting lists are the only known way to cure SA and with my depression and negativity I doubt anything will work now.
Do I mention suicidal thoughts, punching myself in the head,my heart pain which is getting worse, being a life long virgin with virtually no human contact, long term unemployment, my past heavy drinking, taking sleeping tablets daily, isolation, increasing depression and paranoia. They will advice all kinds of shit about what food to take, to stop drinking and taking exercise but without curing my mind first there is absolutely no point in anything else. I am curious to know if he(yes its a male doctor next time) understands anxiety and mental problems at all or just fobs me off with the usual poor advice. Perhaps I should show him this blog but then he might have me committed.