A bad day depression wise. It sometimes feels like being stuck in the quicksand, trying to fight against the incoming tide and waiting to drown.I take sleeping tablets and alcohol and feel terrible the next day or none and then dont sleep much, wake up early and still feel terrible the next day. Hmm hard choice. I looked at quite a lot of websites for anxiety and depression but they appear to be mostly useless with the standard advice of keep busy or they want you to send them money. My urge to be dead was its strongest for years this afternoon and I had to stop the old habit to start punching myself in the head but then it already hurt from headaches. I still dont know what to tell the doctor but as I am going anyway for a check up I might as well mention being a mentalist.I tried to keep busy gardening and shopping for paint. I may paint a lot over Easter, not artistic, just rooms. It helps somehow.
Favourite song of the moment.