Save me?

I joined elefriends yesterday. Its a site for people with mental health problems. As usual I got some people saying hello as they always do when first joining such sites but then I am lost and alone again. The reason these sites are pretty useless is that they only help those who are the least mentally ill. When you are down, negative and felling almost suicidal most of the time its much harder to post anything and when you do people almost always ignore you as many are actually looking for a saviour. I dont think that many people are looking to give support. They need support and want to know that other humans exist even if only online but many are looking for someone great to come into their lives.

This is true for the main UK social anxiety forum (SAUK) which I have used for over 10 years.

http://www.social-anxiety-community.org/db/index.php

I had some people contact me and we even sent messages to each other for a while but they all stop and never contact me again. They were looking for someone better than me, normal, someone to help them. Apart from one long time friend I met on that site I have had virtually no positive outcome in years. It actually reinforces feelings of being an outsider and not wanted as all people on these sites are just as judgemental as normal people, if not more so. As mentioned many times people with mental health often dont get better as there really is no support unless you already had a good supportive family or friends before you went mentally ill. If you have never had such support and been mentally ill for almost your whole life its much harder to get out of the mire as you stay alone. That’s because everyone avoids you and doesn’t want to see you again and so your whole life is full of negative experiences.

I may try not taking the sleeping pills for a while. I have a much stronger urge to die and not exist in the last few days so they obviously have side effects and my negativity and feelings of anxiety, restlessness and hopelessness have rocketed. I will try and hold on until I see the doctor in a couple of weeks even though I am doubtful he will give a flying F**k or offer any help whatsoever.

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8 thoughts on “Save me?

  1. You are caught in a vicious circle; your negativity turns people off, but the lack of human contact makes you negative. I don’t have answers; other than finding something that occupies your brain.

    • Yes, its the SA paradox. Go out and meet people they keep advising on the anxiety forums. Oh but they hate me because I’m awkward and miserable so I dont go out or have the confidence to meet new people!

  2. You are right, people posting on a forum for the mentally ill may not be best placed to help others as they have to cope with their own demons. I don’t think they are rejecting you personally, however. They probably don’t know what to say to help. Maybe this is true of the SA forum as well?

  3. Maybe although I find human nature to be judgemental and reject those who dont come up to certain expectations. The reason SA isn’t as easy to cure as many suggest is that you dont always learn and improve by facing your fears. That’s because this constant rejection reinforces feelings of being disliked and not fitting in and then actually increases paranoia and avoidance, with me anyway both in real life and online.

    • Yes I have to agree with that. I think maybe people develop SA because they do get a negative reaction from others, perhaps because they are a bit “different”. This is probably true in my case. My feelings of unease started way back in infant school, when I didn’t fit in with the other kids (at the tender age of 5). SA is a vicious cycle because the more nervous you are around people, the more you get judged negatively and hence the more nervous you become. However you are not always going to be judged negatively because not all people are mean and judgmental.

  4. But I dont think being judgemental is necessary being mean or what cruel people do. I think its part of normal human behaviour and evolution. I think all people are judgemental. We all judge people on what they look like, act like and then either like or ignore them. I think when there is something wrong with you even good people judge and then ignore or avoid you. The good people I knew at work or even online ignored me which only made me feel even more bitter and avoidant as I couldn’t fit in even when I tried. This is why its so hard to improve as people expect you to be normal from the start.

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