I joined elefriends yesterday. Its a site for people with mental health problems. As usual I got some people saying hello as they always do when first joining such sites but then I am lost and alone again. The reason these sites are pretty useless is that they only help those who are the least mentally ill. When you are down, negative and feeling almost suicidal most of the time its much harder to post anything and when you do people almost always ignore you as many are actually looking for a saviour. I dont think that many people are looking to give support. They need support and want to know that other humans exist even if only online but many are looking for someone great to come into their lives.
This is true for the main UK social anxiety forum (SAUK) which I have used for over 10 years.
I had some people contact me and we even sent messages to each other for a while but they all stop and never contact me again. They were looking for someone better than me, normal, someone to help them. Apart from one long time friend I met on that site I have had virtually no positive outcome in years. It actually reinforces feelings of being an outsider and not wanted as all people on these sites are just as judgemental as normal people, if not more so. As mentioned many times people with mental health often dont get better as there really is no support unless you already had a good supportive family or friends before you went mentally ill. If you have never had such support and been mentally ill for almost your whole life its much harder to get out of the mire as you stay alone. That’s because everyone avoids you and doesn’t want to see you again and so your whole life is full of negative experiences.
I may try not taking the sleeping pills for a while. I have a much stronger urge to die and not exist in the last few days so they obviously have side effects and my negativity and feelings of anxiety, restlessness and hopelessness have rocketed. I will try and hold on until I see the doctor in a couple of weeks even though I am doubtful he will give a flying F**k or offer any help whatsoever.