Four seasons in one day

Fuck

 

Finding out wherever there is comfort there is pain
Only one step away
Like four seasons in one day

People are hypocritical all the time aren’t they?  Again and again they urge you to go out and do things and then if you dont act like they expect or want you to they dont like you or want anything to do with you again thus making you feel worse. Then they wonder why you are negative and avoidant. In reality having severe anxiety and paranoia makes you speak to yourself, get angry all the time at almost every thing and you dont even have a grasp on reality. (just me then?)If someone wants to speak about the state of politics or what’s happening in the  news to you its of no more relevance than speaking about the history of Chinese porcelain during the Ming dynasty as your mind is trying to cope with day to day living and just trying to get more than 2 hours sleep for a change. Even going to the shops becomes a major ordeal.You aren’t relaxed, you cant laugh, smile or joke or even think of anything to say. This isn’t simple shyness that can be cured by a night out and a bit of a chat.

Yet you often try, you try because of guilt, of people constantly trying to make out its your fault for being avoidance,not doing enough, being negative and even cowardly.  You hope you pray, you try again and again sometimes for years and yet often it ends in more failure and more avoidance. That’s because doing these things is like trying to run a race with a broken leg. You already have things wrong with you and they need to be fixed and healed first. The lies are that many people assume or think that going out with strangers when you are in a terrible mental state is the cure or will help you when its exactly the same as trying to run with a broken leg and will often make you feel far worse. The biggest problem is that curing these things first is hard to impossible because they require help and support and many people with such problems have none and are totally alone. The support of strangers on the internet is non existent as they also require you to have recovered to a certain level before they want to befriend you otherwise you are too  boring, negative and hard work for them and as they  often have mental health problems themselves they often need someone to help them. The result is the people with the worst anxiety often get secondary conditions such as depression, paranoia and never recover. All hope is F*cked because in reality the entire world is really based on survival of the fittest and the mentally ill are faulty and weak so humanity ridicules and ignores them.

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Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up!

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