Challenges to unhelpful thoughts?

Now you can challenge your unhelpful thoughts by asking these questions.

1. Is there any evidence that contradicts this thought?

Example: I coped fine last week when I was introduced to my brother’s new partner. I never run out of things to say to my friends, so why should this be different.


Reality:Actually things often went very badly when I met new people so I became more avoidant. I have social anxiety, not minor shyness.As a result my confidence was shattered and did not improve. I often don’t cope fine at all. People really do dislike people for being awkward and quiet. You don’t have to be nasty or cruel to be disliked and avoided. I was called a zombie and mental at work and many people disliked me for being quiet.

I dont have any friends as everyone dislikes me. I often cant think of anything to say and run out of conversation and when I am with new people this is much worse so I come across very badly and they never want to see me again.



 2. Can you identify any of the patterns of unhelpful thinking described earlier?

Example : I’m predicting the future. I’m imagining that it’ll go badly but I can’t say for sure how it will go.

Reality:That’s because experience has always taught me that I am usually right. I am a 40+ year old unemployed virgin after all. Things did go badly and never got better.



3. What would your friend say to you if they knew what you were thinking?

 Example: They would probably say – don’t be silly, you’re always good company.

Reality:What a load of bollocks. I don’t have any friends now and when I did most thought I was odd ,weird and left me as I was such awful company and boring. I’m even avoided on anxiety forums. People with chronic anxiety and depression are not good company. As someone on a forum once said, they are hard work.


4. How will you feel about this in 6 months time?

Example: I probably won’t care. Even if it goes wrong I’ll have forgotten about it by then.

Reality:What utter shit. I still remember everything from over 30 years ago and relive them. It still hurts all the time and makes me cringe.


5. What are the costs and benefits of thinking in this way?

 Example:Costs: It’s making me nervous before I even go into the situation. It’s made me feel inadequate.Benefits: I can’t really think of any.

Reality:True, there are no benefits. I wish I could be given therapy so I dont give a f**k or care what other people think. So far nothing has worked except alcohol for short periods. Lets all get drunk!


6.Is there a another way of looking at this this situation?

 Example:Even if I don’t have anything to say, it’s not just up to me to keep conversations going. It’s everyone’s responsibility.


Reality:Yes, I tried to think this way and yet I still often got people who said absolutely nothing and yet usually still criticised me off for being too quiet, often at work. They felt awkward at my behaviour and to make themselves feel better they blame me for being weird. result, I feel worse and become more avoidant, they dont.


Of course all my answers are highly negative and would be criticised. Maybe therapists would refuse to help me as I am not positive enough. Of course this totally ignores the problem that all these problems over many years have caused my negative mindset and much of existence, human behaviour and evolution is negative, cruel, selfish, ruthless with scientific evidence to back it up. It also ignores my other previously mentioned problems concerning sex and that depression added to long term social anxiety which they say is common makes it much harder to cure as being as miserable as F**k, borderline suicidal means that when you meet people for the first time you come across as negative, miserable and awkward so they dont want to see you again.





To deal with social anxiety

To deal with social anxiety you…

  1. Take small steps.
  2. Observe other people and realize that they are not thinking about you.
  3. Recruit a friend to be with you as you practice going out.
  4. Keep moving small steps past your comfort zone and eventually you will expand the zone to include more things!

You see, this is the only cure for social anxiety I have ever seen. Keep doing stuff and assume or even demand you get better and then if you dont blame you for not trying hard enough. it totally ignores depression even though this is a key addition to long term anxiety.I am not just socially awkward. I am very miserable.

Observe other people and realize that they are not thinking about you

Many are though, they did at work, they did at school. Just because its not everyone doesn’t stop it hurting. in a group if just 1 person bullies you every day it ruins your life. it doesn’t have to be everyone. Likewise just one person laughing at you for walking funny or being ugly or one person punching you in the face ruins your life.Also having a paranoid anxious mind makes every sentence that was nasty like being called a zombie or mental stick in your mind for 20 years or more. Being told not to think of it is like being told to ignore an itch when a giant centipede is biting your leg.

Recruit a friend to be with you as you practice going out.

Well you have to have a friend in the first place. if you have none you are back at square one. everything is done alone, everything is harder.paranoid thoughts infect my mind every time I leave the house.Just assume though that even people with chronic shyness have friends and have all been on dates or to parties.

Keep moving small steps past your comfort zone and eventually you will expand the zone to include more things!

Again just assumptions that you will definitely get better when many things make you worse. Like posts on forums telling you that you will certainly recover and look back on this in years to come with pride and assuming you are 21 with vast quantities of time left instead of past 40 and its too late.



From the ranks of the freaks

There’s a certain humiliation about appearing desperate. Its well known. People on dating sites are warned to not appear desperate as it puts other people off. Why? Because desperate people are likely to have something wrong with them and we evolved to avoid passing on faulty genes so we avoid people who are faulty. Its amazing how many people are totally unaware of human behaviour and evolution and have constructed a delusional fantasy world based upon believing what they want to believe to make them feel happier. Back to religion again.

This is not a recovery site, hence the title of the blog. Its a real if paranoid account of being a man who has suffered shyness and then chronic anxiety from probably the age of 5 when I first started school. I really do believe that death from shyness is highly likely if not unavoidable now as things are getting worse year by year if not day by day. Of course they will blame alcohol, self harm and depression but it all comes from being too shy to live. Its a descent into madness. I know I am getting madder but have no idea how to stop it.The last few weeks have been quite bad and I stated punching myself in the head and drinking more again. There is no help, its all a myth. Almost all advice is to get out there and mix with people and totally ignores that when you act VERY shy people think you are a freak, miserable, weird and avoid you and thus your anxiety and paranoia get much worse. Kids when you were at school mocked you, adults at work avoid you and speak about you behind your back. People are in reality far more judgemental than we like to think.

This week I tried to be be more active online as I know no one in real life. Virtually every single attempt has ended in failure as I obviously appear too desperate, too miserable or dont know how to put English words into sentences that appear in any way interesting. So I become even more avoidant. Hardly surprising then that I mostly post photos of things as words are too hard and have no effect. Its shows that when you are this depressed and unhappy you repel everyone so you only get worse. Humanity through billions of years of evolution rejects you as you are no use to them. Its apparently up to you to change but no one wants you until you are fully recovered and good enough to interest them in the first place. Getting from A to B is a mystery to me. Everyone else seems to have a map.







Lets go crazy

‘Cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
You’re on your own


Insomnia, chronic thirst,daily feeling exhausted and aching, peeing all night long and it smells like sugar puffs, being a miserable bastard?  I have felt like this for a while. The last few weeks have been much worse than normal though. However many of the symptoms point to type 2 diabetes. Mind you I was a miserable bastard anyway so can blame diabetes. So after 18 years without seeing him/her I may have to go back to the doctors again.  All other things are just additional bunkum though. I really want to shout *But I’m mental! Forget the rest until you cure my brain!” at the doctor My mental problems and anxiety from age 5 are I believe at the root of all other problems. Trying to stop someone drinking so much, taking exercise and eating healthy are pointless if they are so down mentally, so devoid of hope, a future that their brain is in meltdown. If only they could inject something directly into my brain.Maybe cyanide. I still think any kind of CBT therapy on someone like me is of no use whatsoever as it demands you have a positive mindset when I often want to run off screaming and hide in a cupboard. You cant inject positivity into someone or likewise criticise them for  not having natural optimism after a lifetime of seeing the opposite at play and no miracles. After all people really are selfish and judgemental. They evolved to be. Most people still think all you have to do is be alive and you end up in a relationship as its that easy. It isn’t. My life proves otherwise.

Walking in the air

My sleep and anxiety has not been good for a while now due to circumstance beyond my control. I did force myself to go out yesterday for a woodland walk in the bluebells. It helps a little but to be honest I cant stand being near people as that just re-enforces m feelings of being a weird loner.  The exposure of walking alone for many years and having few things happen to me has not improved my state of mind at all so I doubt CBT would work for me. The wood was thankfully quite empty but the walk home though the country park was far more crowded.I wish I lived in some wilderness sometimes.


There are others worse off than you!(maybe)

Is this a valid statement or something you should never say to people with mental health problems? is it the same as telling people to snap out of it or is it trying to make you grateful for what you have?  I was thinking only the other day that this time 100 years ago both my granddads were in Europe fighting in World War One so perhaps things are not so bad. It was probably terrible. Yet they both survived , came home to England and had families. Things were much tougher a hundred years ago. God knows how happy they were with their lives by their end in reality. People in those days were just expected to get married and have children and thought of as very strange or gay if they did not at a time when gay people were hated. Of course loners and the unmarried singletons are still considered strange and ridiculed today.

So many motivational blogs tell you to count your blessings as if that will make you feel happier. The thing is you end up comparing yourselves to your friends and colleagues and they all ended up marrying, having kids and proper jobs(or it looks that way on Facebook) so its probably no more use comparing yourself to people 100 years ago than to to cavemen or other animals.

Sexually Frustrated?

The good thing is that I didn’t take a sleeping tablet last night as I was starting to feel suicidal quite literally over the last two weeks. Bad thing, I caught a cold and woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep again anyway due to blocked nose and coughing. So I still feel irritable and exhausted but not quite suicidal. Anyway onto sex,

If you are single do you get really frustrated with not getting any(sex)or do you not really care?

Question of the day from the forum which I couldn’t possibly answer on there. My answer is not at all. As I have never had any sexual encounter with another living thing in any way shape or form I have nothing to compare it to and men masturbate anyway. I sometimes get aroused after a while, usually while watching neighbours on channel 5 but you know when you start to feel very depressed and suicidal then I find attractive women suddenly become no more attractive than a cabbage and my penis only works for urinating and forgets any other use.

Another thing about sex is people, well some young people just assume that once past 40 you start fancying grannies. Balls. Women still look their best in their twenties and thirties as do men and start to deteriorate from then on as they age. its not creepy at all for 40+ year old men to like  younger women as long as they are adult. Its just that they know they have no chance of getting one unless they are a member of the rolling stones so they go for people the same age. Since my sex drive was not great to begin with this means that most women the same age as me are now about as attractive as Donald Trump. So age really does matter and things become much harder(apart from my penis obviously!) and less likely with time. It really is too late now unless I win the lottery as money is the greatest aphrodisiac or go to a brothel.