Please Close Down for a disk copy

They used to say that every day over the tannoy at work and we had to close down the computers for 30 minutes.My brain now feels the same way, like its closing down. The worse I feel the harder is gets to be positive, make any kind of conversation (online or off) or feel humour and enjoyment in anything at all. Its like shutting down possibly for good.Yet the paradox is that I have felt even more of an urge to speak to someone to communicate in some way but of course when you are feeling like this you are in the worst possible state to be social unless you already have friends and a support network.  To strangers you come across badly,as rude, negative,depressing, boring, strange, awkward, weird, creepy,etc.etc. and people ignore or dislike you or send you annoying replies like its all your own fault. Humour is absolutely key to forming friendships or more and when you are barely functioning you dont laugh much.Therefore trying to make contact with fellow human beings on any kind of online forum or mental health site has proved almost impossible and actually increases feelings of being hated, disliked and makes me more likely to be avoidant and give up.The sleeping tablets I got off amazon only work if I am not angry or agitated which is not often after only a couple of hours sleep again and have a marked difference in my moods making me not want to leave the house and feeling far more negative. Why does everything have to have a down side?  I had planned to force myself on a walk this afternoon, no walks are very pleasant though as I live in a city and have done them a million times before and as its Saturday there will be far more people around. That’s not being negative, that’s the reality and isn’t a choice.





Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

2 thoughts on “Please Close Down for a disk copy”

  1. This morning, I talked a friend out of “fixing” someone who has social anxiety. The person is depressed because people don’t accept her as she is. I mention this because your post reads like what she might be thinking every day when people try to make her happy. As for social media, it’s a double edged sword. I used to think that because people put so much of themselves out there, they are inviting me to participate in a conversation. I don’t want to sound trite, but it’s a good idea to not take the negative reactions too personally. I find it hard to know what someone wants, even after talking to them. People don’t always reveal their true motives, even when they appear to be showing you all of themselves.

  2. I think its a bit hard when feeling very emotional and depressed to not take things personally though. People often tell you to be yourself and then think they can tell you off for not thinking like they think you should. Also having used anxiety forums for so long I often found that people would blame you for not acting in the so called right way, not in a supportive, helpful way but in an angry , talking down to you like a naughty child way.

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