Lets go crazy

‘Cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
You’re on your own

 

Insomnia, chronic thirst,daily feeling exhausted and aching, peeing all night long and it smells like sugar puffs, being a miserable bastard?  I have felt like this for a while. The last few weeks have been much worse than normal though. However many of the symptoms point to type 2 diabetes. Mind you I was a miserable bastard anyway so can blame diabetes. So after 18 years without seeing him/her I may have to go back to the doctors again.  All other things are just additional bunkum though. I really want to shout *But I’m mental! Forget the rest until you cure my brain!” at the doctor My mental problems and anxiety from age 5 are I believe at the root of all other problems. Trying to stop someone drinking so much, taking exercise and eating healthy are pointless if they are so down mentally, so devoid of hope, a future that their brain is in meltdown. If only they could inject something directly into my brain.Maybe cyanide. I still think any kind of CBT therapy on someone like me is of no use whatsoever as it demands you have a positive mindset when I often want to run off screaming and hide in a cupboard. You cant inject positivity into someone or likewise criticise them for  not having natural optimism after a lifetime of seeing the opposite at play and no miracles. After all people really are selfish and judgemental. They evolved to be. Most people still think all you have to do is be alive and you end up in a relationship as its that easy. It isn’t. My life proves otherwise.

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