Another bank holiday monday

I think almost everyone has certain days and times of day that make them feel bored, stressed and unhappy. Its could be driving in traffic jams, dealing with family members or annoying jobs at work. Anything really. I had them from when I was a kid. Sunday evenings before going back to school, a bullying older brother and bank holiday Mondays. Even though I pretty much hated school as I was very fat and very shy from the age of 5 onwards I also found little respite at home. As well as my brother I also had a mother who as part of her anxiety would rant and rage over anything and a father was was emotionally retarded. They took me nowhere and made no effort at all to entertain me or play with me. So I started playing alone and being alone. What’s changed?

The bank holiday Monday was the worst day of all. We seldom went anywhere but if we did it was crowded and my dad being one of the worlds most anxiety ridden car drivers would complain and moan the whole time so it was often a relief to get home. Most often we would do nothing so watching very boring old films was the only thing to do. Even then as my dad was a chain smoker who barely got out his chair and just read books all afternoon it was not a particularly good place to be so I would go off and read alone.  I just remember being bored witless and having that horrible feeling of frustration and not knowing what to do. Just a bad atmosphere. Those feelings never left. Although my parents are now long gone. I still get feelings of dread, being bored, restlessness. I could do anything in theory but as an anxiety ridden emotional wreck I still have no option but to watch boring bank holiday TV or walk alone in the rain.  Nothing has changed really from the lonely little boy sitting in the back yard and having no idea what to do.


Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

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