Dating? As if.

Bizarrely I’ve watched a lot of dating shows on TV recently. As someone who has never even been on a date ever I am fascinated with human behaviour and how people act in this setting. The question they ask almost every show is why are you still single as if their partner has to explain themselves as if its a crime to be single for too long. Of course I imagine being in the place of some of the men and imagining what I would say and do under these circumstances(but without the TV cameras). The thing is now its too late. Way too late in fact. Its taken this long to even imagine going on dates and thinking well maybe I could do no worse then them. After all some, in fact quite a lot of men are quite stupid and ignorant and yet they all get into relationships. Every F**king one of them without exception it seems.They are just not shy. Shyness is one of the biggest barriers to relationships of all types of mental health and is totally underestimated, often ignored.

 

You see when I was in my twenties and even some of my thirties for that matter I was debilitatingly shy. You keep getting people with their shit online advice demand you are just a coward and once you force yourself to try doing this stuff you get better but that’s absolute crap. In reality debilitating shyness means you cant think of words at all . You blush until the sweat pours off your head. Any words come out as a stammer and get the reaction like you have just said you like eating your own faeces.  Despite the online assumption that dating is a two way thing I found that most girls expected to be chatted up, wooed, impressed and asked out by males and usually never even spoke first to me anyway let alone made any flirty or even nice comments. If you also have virtually no friends you never go to clubs, bars, anywhere either so where the hell do you meet people? When you have had years of this without the slightest change of course it creates a negative mindset and depression and you give up. I have found changing my personality without the slightest help from anyone to be almost impossible. I have the odd good day but almost always revert to my default position of miserable loner.No amount of clever people with their advice on you-tube can change this.

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Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up!

4 thoughts on “Dating? As if.”

  1. That’s the problem you see, getting help and having the drive when I have anxiety and depression is like asking me to stop having anxiety and depression, pull yourself together, dont be shy, feel the fear and do it anyway etc. I have been to the doctors three times in the last 6 months after an 18 year gap for other reasons and yet found myself feeling incapable of even talking about my mental health. I did mention anxiety all three times and was pretty much ignored all three times. There is only pills or therapy for mental health and the waiting list for therapy is years.

    Its certainly far too late for relationships and as I mentioned on previous posts I have other problems too. Also something which seems common is that younger people just assume as you get older you just naturally feel attracted to people the same age. I dont. My mind still thinks the same as it did when I was 25. I think all people my age both male and female are uglier.

    1. It was the same to me. I had to actively seek help, filtering out the unsuitable therapists to finally arrive at a good one. It isn’t an excuse when clinically depressed people are unable to seek help, but the truth remains that if nothing is done, nothing will ever change for the better.

      1. The problem is it needs enthusiasm to actively seek help, almost aggression. I have little and would choose death every time the way I feel at the moment rather than go round begging for help from people who dont really care. It sort of also reaffirms what I said in the first place that help is terrible or non existent for many people if its that hard to get any.

  2. I am relieved that you tried to communicate your anxiety to the doctor. From what we chatted about earlier, I can understand how difficult that is. Like Joeblog suggested, a letter sounds like a very good idea.

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