There’s always this this thought,this compulsion in my head, on good days at least, to make the first move, to initialise things, to just try and connect for once and talk to someone I like, the what ifs, maybe its all my own fault for not doing enough………….
And yet at the same time reality has shown me that the people I liked, that I wanted to know better, looked at me as a nuisance, an inconvenience, not worthy of reply, of even being answered politely. They thus humiliated me and made me feel as if they are way out of my league or I am just weird. Like I am stupid for even trying. This happened at work, it happens still on the internet. This is the reality of human behaviour. If there is something wrong with you, even if you still have a curious soul, a sense of wonder or have kindness and humour and just want to feel love or make friends. If there is something wrong with you, especially in a social ineptitude type of way, or you are sad, they, as in the vast majority of other humans dont want to know you and they ignore you. This keeps you in your place and stops you from ever succeeding so stop pretending that its just paranoia. Evolution prevails.