Space is what I need it’s what I feed on.
I have to say that having looked at more videos on CBT I feel far worse and quite hopeless again. All that CBT appears to be is saying is go do stuff you hate and which makes your anxiety much worse and hope you get used to it which was pretty much the advice for shyness since I was a kid by anyone with no medical knowledge at all. Do they then guilt trip you for not doing it properly or enough because yes I could do with yet even more guilt. That wont make me suicidal and push me over the edge at all. Of course any failure to comply is seen as you not being prepared to put in the hard work or make enough of an effort so once again death becomes the only sensible way out. As I kept thinking all along , there really is no or little help. CBT doesn’t work for 1 out of 4 people with SA so you do all that and then are still shy, probably abandoned and more anxious to go back begging from your GP again.This is of course assuming that your GP will even refer you for therapy. From what I have read over the years on anxiety forums many dont, even get angry or abusive if you ask for it and it sometimes takes much effort to get anything done at all.
They also all say you have to be committed to the idea and motivated when I have absolutely no f**king motivation at all. I feel like crying or punching myself in the head most days and some therapists will insist I go and speak to strangers and also say I have to be friendly and then insist I do more and more each week.Then you are supposed to challenge negative thinking when all the things mentioned happened to me and I did not always overreact or imagine things. Its like going to a party or event. if you act shy no one wants to see you again so you dont learn or get used to it as CBT dictates. You become an outcast and branded weird. In 20 years at my last job I never even got invited to a party once. That’s because I was so shy I did not even get to the stage of being friends with most people or accepted so no one wanted me to go their party as they disliked me. Who wants the work weirdo to go to their party? No wonder George Best drank himself to death.