Some Moments of Pleasure

After the bad week before when I felt as low as I had done for ages and had even started to delete files off of my computer in case the end was coming closer this week ended slightly better. I can see how occupying the mind with something constructive and enjoyable can alter the feelings of hopelessness and negativity even when feeling at the time that its impossible. The problem is doing that every day of course and also when totally alone.

I forced myself to go to the local country park on Friday afternoon. It was harder than normal and shows how avoidance has actually increased my anxiety at doing anything and made me feel far worse. Once there I sat on a bench and thought for a while and then this wonderful stag came into view. It will soon be autumn which is my favourite time of year.

29789733892_2bf19ae918_cI let my head clear and actually felt better for the first time that week. Its also good to get back later in the evening when its getting dark and feel tired. Of course as luck would have it when I got home I then read something online which upset me and even had me waking up in the night. Even so I tried to ignore it and the next day went to a festival in a nearby city which I have been to for the last 4 years. There were lots of street performers and I enjoy the photography aspect and the large crowds are in this case good to hide among.

This time I had to get a train which also produced more stress than normal but at least its only 30 minutes to get there. The biggest problem as said before is finding ways to cope on a daily basis each week. As I dont drive I can only really go somewhere further about once a week so day to day walks are quite boring in a city and most other activities often dont work at all to improve my mood. I think much of my anxiety comes from time and clock watching like having insomnia and always waiting for something else to do which only makes it worse. My best dreams have been quite timeless and created on occasion such moments of peace and bliss that I wish I could be there always.

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Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up!

2 thoughts on “Some Moments of Pleasure”

  1. I love your blogs so much. They are so real, raw, vulnerable and honest. More people should be expressive like this, but I guess showing our vulnerable side is open to abuse. Even on the internet as you have experienced.

    But honesty is valued in God’s eyes far more than pretensiveness, hypocrisy and superficiality.

    You say what millions are thinking and feeling but dare not express it or don’t know how.

    Thank you for taking time to share your heart with us.

    There will always be the scoffers and mockers and those who think they know the answers to your every problem.

    But there will also always be those who love you for who you are, understand your struggles, have empathy with your plight or want to just be a listening ear and a shoulder for you to cry on.

    Those people are sent to you by God whether you believe in him or not.

    And oh, he’s not mad at you for being mad at him and he’s not cross that you don’t believe in him.

    He loves you whether you believe it or not, like it or not – and there’s nothing you can do about it. He’ll never stop loving you no matter how much you may hate him. xx

  2. Thanks Sharon,
    After last week when I got more negative responses I almost deleted the blog again. It annoys me that I admit to being negative and depressed and then some people who supposedly offer support then get mad at me for not immediately becoming optimistic or maybe they just want me to be grateful. It has been a better week as I have tried to keep much busier. Thinking too much about problems often just makes us feel worse I think. I have often believed in God and Jesus in the past and then stopped in the bad times or despite a strong belief things didn’t change or get better so I thought it must all be made up. If salvation and peace is to come to me I think it must come in some way from helping others. I dont know how yet though.

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