I will do what I can do

Hold on, you have gambled with your life
And you face the night alone
While the builders of the cages
Sleep with bullets, bars and stone
They do not see the road to freedom
That you build with flesh and bone

Though you may disappear, you’re not forgotten here
And I will say to you, I will do what I can do
You may disappear, you’re not forgotten here
And I will say you you, I will do what I can do
And I will do what I can do
I will do what I can do

 

Last week I was feeling better for a change after my walk and thinking of finally going to the doctors as I had been far more depressed and feeling hopeless for months before that. However its important I dont get too excited or hopeful even if I do manage to go. Despite the idea that some people think this is the first step to complete recovery the many, many comments on the UK anxiety forums say otherwise.

NHS mental health therapists from my only personal experience twice are so useless I wish they would just not exist as they are practically non-functioning anyway.

Never offered anything like CBT and there was not group therapy available anywhere

My GP suggested it(private councelling) to me because the NHS waiting times were horrendous, I’ve now resigned myself to the fact that the NHS is hopeless where mental health in concerned.

In my experience counselling doesn’t exist on the nhs any more its too costly, so they divert you away or offer a small amount of cbt which I have no faith in and is no substitute.

There are of course many more comments like this.These are people who have been to the doctor for help and it hasn’t helped them at all.It may not be the same for everyone but its highly likely that in my very crowded and under funded area that the help will be poor and even if I do get any therapy it will in no way brainwash me enough to give me the confidence to find work which is the only thing that can stop me becoming homeless.  And of course I am probably far more ingrained in negative avoidant thinking as I am far older than most of them. Perhaps I am too old to even qualify for therapy. I also think having work is of vital importance in the first place to help conquering mental illness. As long as you are in a job you can at least survive as you can pay the bills. If you are long term unemployed and not even entitled to any benefits like me then the chances of recovery are smaller because the chances of getting a job are much harder especially at my age. I think I have to start to make suicide plans now as I appear to have been correct all along and despite other people trying to help me by pretending to be optimistic which is really the same as lying there really appears to be very little chance of a way out or recovery.

Its still bizarre to me that there are still so many people claiming that there is loads of help out there. I wonder if they have been brainwashed by their therapy to become optimistic because its make them more positive and feel better. Its obviously a complete lie. Its hard not to be angry for offering such false hope. In fact looking online far more seriously for help or a way out over the last few months has almost resigned me to the fact that the chance of actually getting anyone or anything to change me is so low its almost a complete joke. Rather than me giving up on myself its more accurate that society as a whole gives up on you first. I talk about evolution and survival of the fittest as it still applies to humans and this is an obvious example.

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