More Late Night Babble

I am still looking at if its even worth the effort of trying to get therapy bearing in mind most NHS therapists appear to be appalling and that I also have to get rid of depression first so CBT for social anxiety is pointless as it assumes you must be optimistic and friendly to conquer your fears when depression makes you want to kill people.Well maybe just me. Some recent quotes from the social anxiety forum about therapy;

“I agree with you that the counselling process can be tough going. Thing is, many people go in with unrealistic expectations. Some expect to be supplied with answers and solutions that take their anxiety/issues away. When this doesn’t happen (because that’s not how it works) people can become disillusioned and say “it doesn’t work”.”

F**k me! I thought therapy that gave me solutions to take my anxiety issues away sounded perfectly reasonable! Perhaps it doesn’t work because the therapy is shit!

“In a way, some might go into therapy as yet another avoidance strategy. Thinking that “this will take away my problems”. But the reality is in therapy you actively have to recognise, understand and then work through the issues. There is no shortcut that avoids the discomfort of the hard work.”

And this bloke is an actual therapist.This just makes me feel like suicide is the best option again. I have no intention of sitting in coffee shops alone and asking strangers on the street the time to please the therapist.They claim it is helpful and yet at the same time seem to boast of how hard it is and that you must confront your fears. You see, when you are so depressed and down you think of death on an everyday basis so being told you have to do all this and basically that you are just a coward if you dont and deserve to suffer just reaffirms the survival of the fittest belief and that we are all just animals. Its way too much to cope with so I assume the depressed people with social anxiety don’t recover through CBT. Lots of evil bastards have great relationships, kids and wealth and they definitely dont deserve it so to belittle people as cowards for simply being shy and avoidant just shows the arbitrary nature of life and that happiness and success are often due to complete luck. Even if you are successful in relationships and very driven in your career the chances are its just the way you were brought up, not your great morals.

“What I found with counselling is that I suddenly realised that there was no more running away, I now had to face my problems & issues.I think if your SA & anxiety is avoidant in nature then it can come as a shock to realise that counselling is where the buck stops,. so to speak.I found counselling hard, only because I was always a very avoidant person, and up till then had coped with SA and anxiety by avoiding things.”

No the final buck is death. Therapy and obedience is the choice. I thought all people with social anxiety were avoidant in nature. I want to change yes, only enough to be able to get a job and even with extreme confidence that is unlikely at my age with many many years of unemployment, no CV, no references and the inability to do manual work due to joint pain, a normal relationship is beyond me now especially as I find all people my age quite repulsive and have sexual intimacy issues anyway. And of course being in a job which is awful and stressful just to be able to pay the bills and stop me being homeless is no better than death.There is no help through therapy unless your mindset is positive to begin with. Surely this means I need brainwashing for depression first.

Its strange that anxiety and depression go together so often ad yet the cure for anxiety assumes you have no depression whatsoever.


Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

9 thoughts on “More Late Night Babble”

    1. Maybe, I am convinced there can be no cure from anxiety without getting rid of depression first. I now think CBT for either would be useless for me.

  1. For me, depression is a product of anxiety and not being able to integrate with ‘normal’ people. Other than that, I relate to much of your struggle/fears and you’ve left some very helpful nuggets of information in your wake. I never leave comments on blogs but here I am feeling compelled to let you know that you’re definitely not alone.
    I hope that a ‘make-the-difference’ change comes your way sometime. I’ll keep tabs on you and if I can offer any useful info from time to time, I will.

  2. If you need a reference some time, then I’d be quite happy to be that employer you spent a couple of years with. It’s fairly straightforward to concoct a plausible experience without sounding too ridiculous. I’ve posed as a fake customer before to get a neighbour a management position at Barclays. Needless to say, they did fuck all for me when I needed a bit of help, which is a running theme for me: what goes around, doesn’t usually come back around.
    Anyway, an offer of a reference stands, which may or may not be of use. For me, after being a terrible recluse, things like that are a big ole stumbling block.

      1. I know i’ve mentioned this quite a lot, but meditation is another area to look into as well, if CBT and therapy may not be suitable for you. Rooting for you.

      2. Thanks, I have always found it hard to impossible to mediate. I have to have silence with no outside sounds at all.I dont know if its just practice or that I am always too uptight.

  3. If you’re anything like me, then you’re probably in the world’s top 10 housekeepers. You’ll be largely left alone in a job like that, I’d imagine, but one has to miraculously get through the interview without getting tongue-tied and completely messing up a simple interaction. I’m considering something like that.

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