I expected to find that therapy would brainwash me and make me think in a completely different way so that I would be able to do things I previously thought impossible. In reality if what I have read on some anxiety forums and blogs if true is that its more about pushing you to face up to your fears and demanding it makes you better and then blaming you for not trying hard enough or being negative when you fail. Yes, I am negative,almost certainly depressed although entirely due to circumstances rather than by a chemical imbalance. So how to stop the negativity when almost all my fears have really come true, I am much older than the majority of people online so have far less time to change and so much optimistic talk and advice which is apparently supposed to give me hope appears to be so delusional and almost a fantasy devoid from reality. Something it may have in common with religion.
Take trying to make friends or indeed even online contacts. This fails almost every time even on anxiety forums so my depression, negativity and avoidance actually increases just like in real life. So just going to meets and trying to meet new people is pointless as is joining support forums and trying to make online contacts. So obviously I would need something to change my mindset, negativity and depression FIRST in order to not come across as miserable and socially inept as this repels people and makes me feel hated so I become more avoidance and more depressed. What’s laughable is when you try and fail people actually get angry at you for not doing things right as if they assume its only nerves and that under pressure you suddenly burst into witty banter. I have even seen this behaviour on the TV show the Undateables about people with autism, aspergers and other mental health problems and from their own family so its quite normal to ridicule anyone who acts different to what is expected. Does this mean almost everyone only sees the world from their own point of view and is ignorant of all others. Probably. I’m still confused and mental after all these years. I still cant really comprehend that this happened to me to be honest. I would have been happy with a quite normal boring life. Mind you I am forgetting about sex again so that was never going to happen.