Its a Wonderful Life?

Look at me here, here on my own again, up straight in the sunshine
No need to run and hide, it’s a wonderful, wonderful life

I am trying to go out more in the day, at least when its sunny. It helps in the short term at least to stop suicidal thoughts although has no effect whatsoever on my long term anxiety or behaviour as I’ve been doing it for over 10 years now. In fact some walks actually make me feel much worse if there are a lot of people around and I almost feel trapped. I very rarely feel peace of mind or relaxed when walking.Sometimes my paranoia still gets the better of me and I think people are ridiculing me. I also have to stop the habit of  talking to myself. Yes, I am still quite mad. I thought walking was supposed to help depression but its like eating when you are hungry but eventually you always feel hungry again.




Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

21 thoughts on “Its a Wonderful Life?”

      1. how big is this place??? have you done any mindfullness???

        It’s amazing how much our mind automatically processes. You might want to try and narrow your focus and explore every little inch of the park. What sounds? What little insects are around.

        Sometimes a whole new world can open up 🙂

      2. Its a country park so I can walk around it in about 3 hours but I have been going regularly for 10 years and even went as a child A I have always lived in the same city so know it too well. It can also get very crowded at weekends or when its sunny. I have tried mindfulness but often find my mood is low it really doesn’t work at all. I think doing some photography can help in the same way as when I was looking for butterflies or fungi to photograph I can concentrate on that alone and forget everything else.Maybe I need to look at more youtube videos and practice.

      3. mindfulness is certainly an acquired skill and one thing that it is commonly related to is meditation and while it is similar, it is also very different.

        The park sounds lovely. I live on the coast, so my little getaway is a walk by the ocean. I love the ocean 🙂 the photography sounds like a perfect idea, any tips for getting close enough to butterflies so that you dont spook them??

      4. I would love to live by the sea.I went to Cornwall last may and saw dolphins for the first time. For butterflies I find the best method is to wait until they land and walk up very slowly to them as they dont like fast movement or shadows. If you take pictures its often good to use the LCD screen on the back of the camera and then slowly move it closer to them as dont notice as much.

      5. How majestic are dolphins! Was it a large pod? I was lucky enough to swim with them in Hawaii, and it was such a surreal experience. Something I wont ever forget

        Nice idea with the LCD. I tend to favor the viewfinder but that makes it awkward to creep closer and closer.

      6. There were only about 6 dolphins that we could see although there might have been more. I would have liked to have gone out on a boat and seen them closer. It must have been great to swim with them although I saw a TV doc last week where they could also get aggressive with people.

      7. You should totally put it on your list of things to do. Make it happen! 😀

        I’m certain they can get aggressive, but it is like all animals. Mostly they want to just chill and keep to themselves, but if you mess with them, they will defend themselves.

        I was just on a tour to see some sea lions, and the guide was carrying on about how dangerous they could be. But when we got there they were all just sleeping, chilling out, doing their own thing.

      8. I think I would be happy to photograph dolphins close up rather than swim with them.It might get warm enough a few days in mid summer but its usually too cold over here. Sea lions would be great in the wild. I’ve only seen them in the zoo.

      9. Do people swim in the ocean there? I just did a dive in 13’c waters and I definitely wouldn’t swim in them often!! Save that for tropical waters 🙂

      10. yes I bet they are, although sometimes in the summer the temperature does get into the nineties! It usually only lasts about two days though!

      11. My gf has family in England and i am very keen to visit however it is the weather which I am not looking forward to. Rain. Cloudy. Etc etc. ergh!

  1. Some of the photos you have in your Flickr album posted in December 2015 are stunning. I know it’s so much easier to see light at the end of someone elses tunnel, but with your talent for a good photo, it might be your destiny after all. There must be at least a couple of dozen snaps in that album alone that wouldn’t look out of place in any shop window. God only knows what you could do with an even better camera. I love the shot of the koi carp coming up for air and the bird in flight with its wings spread. Some really brilliant photos. The Leicestershire tourist board should employ you.

    1. Thanks, I did look into it but apparently the amateur photographer market is saturated at the moment. Most people if they do sell their pics just do it as a second job and have much better cameras which is important for large prints as the number of pixels alters the quality. They also often have to take pictures of weddings and portraits as they are the most popular and would requite having a car to travel and not being socially inept.A few people including magazines and even the Times newspaper have asked for pictures to use but never offer money as they only use Flickr as they dont want to pay anything.

      1. I’m guessing you’ve probably got loads more photos of the flora, fauna, landscapes, buildings and stuff. Putting all your finest work together would make a really quality portfolio. Damn your talent deserves a better camera.

      2. Thanks yes, I have most of my pics on flickr if you search kev747 although it sometimes comes up as a former Australian prime minister who used to fly alot.

        I nearly got a 24 meg second hand camera as my current one is only 10 meg but I would probably need a new PC as well as this one is already takes ages to do the simple things.

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