I was going to try and make one last outing before Christmas but as usual the British weather which was cloudy last Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday and today with rain tomorrow and cloudy every day next week has buggered me again. I wonder if having photography as a hobby is a good idea in England as if I only go out on sunny days then I could become housebound even madder than I am already.
I did manage to go to a local Christmas market last Saturday which also had a Christmas tree festival in the church but I had hoped to visit Lincoln or York as the great cathedrals are some of my favourite places at this time of year.
Unfortunately the week has been a bad one for feeling low and waves of depression and hopelessness has descended on me each day, usually all morning and I only feel a little better towards evening time. I took a sleeping tablet for the first time in weeks last night and although it worked it also left me feeling quite dead today. The biggest problem is looking at anxiety forums or online for help which always makes me feel more hopeless as the help looks to be somewhere between appalling and non existent, especially for many people who visit their GP.
This often makes me turn once again to religion as my only comfort, well apart from alcohol. Perhaps God is trying to hep me though Jehovah’s witnesses as they seem to keep handing me leaflets. Two of them even knocked on my door this afternoon and handed me a leaflet. Will suffering ever end? Not while humans exist I imagine. I talked with one of them for a while and she seemed a nice person but I doubt she could convert me as she believed in Noah’s ark, in fact everything in the old testament. She said that Noah had told them for years to repent but they did not take his warning so he drowned them and every living creature on earth apart from those in the ark. Sounds like a cruel, vindictive god to me. Perhaps he is simply a human and we are all in his virtual reality game. There’s actually a theory about that on you tube.