Shy people, egocentric?

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Shy people are egotistical, vain, self centred, narcissistic? I have heard all this  before over the years and that part of having SA is all about your ego as you must think you are so important if everyone is looking at or thinking about you when you go out. I think this concept is mostly balls and heaps even more guilt on people often already racked with guilt for something they did not create or want. Its similar to the idea still having shyness pasta  certain age is all your own fault for not doing enough to get rid of it and so its really self inflicted and you have no one to blame but yourself. Of course many people who have had some success overcoming their SA still relapse and feel guilty for not doing enough and like nothing better than to inflict this guilt on everyone else too.

In reality you think everyone is looking at you as see everyone else as a potential enemy. Like a wounded animal on the plains of the Serengeti.This is often from experience as you have had negative events happen to you from school days onwards. It’s also because there is a vast history of people picking on anyone who is different and of bullying. This happens with people with physical disabilities and despite our enlightened times when they come on TV they often talk of nasty and quite vile bullying and comments said to them from other kids at school, walking down the street or if they force themselves to go to clubs, bars etc and try to be normal.Now they also get abuse online. Despite the fact that the vast majority of people don’t say anything if it’s a common occurrence even once every few weeks out of thousands of people you pass in a busy city this still puts barriers up and creates a mindset of paranoia.

This is often the same for people with mental health problems. Despite the fact that people dont know of  your condition, after years of often isolation and not being liked our minds still starts to see everyone as a potential enemy and all the bad thoughts return. In fact we often manifest our mental problems in physical reactions so people can see that there is something wrong with us and do see us as strange. For instance I blushed, stammered, looked awkward and nervous and as I have said before even got punched in the face for walking strangely so I was on the lookout all the time for potential scumbags. I also got disliked for simply being quiet and boring during many years at work. It has f**k all to do with thinking you are more important that other people, its more to do with that you have a history of not fitting in and not being liked so your brain sees potential enemies everywhere. This may be seen as self centred as you are thinking about yourself all the time but its in the same way that an injured person thinks about their injury above all else and tries to prevent further pain. It’s more like a defence mechanism.

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3 thoughts on “Shy people, egocentric?

  1. I definitely am the type of person described in your post. One of the strangest things I realized about myself after being in therapy last year was I have memories about painful past incidents that likely contributed to how I am today with my SA. However, the times when my therapist would ask me if I could remember any particular social situations I went through when I was younger, I could not immediately recall specific ones right then and there. Later after much thinking on my own about it over and over, it felt like puzzle pieces slipping into place in my head. The whole time I kept thinking, “oh I don’t think I had many bad social experiences” but then I slowly started to recall experiences where I felt like an outcast or social failure. And what I remember most about those times is each time I felt humiliated and wished in my head that I could erase the memory from my mind. Perhaps on some level I did by subconsciously distancing myself from the incidents so I wouldn’t be able to recall them.

    • Thanks for your comment Nat,
      yes, I think we often try to suppress bad memories otherwise we relive them over and over again in our heads making them much worse. Its also our upbringing though. In my case it was small things said and done by my family on a daily basis that altered my way of thinking and took away my confidence rather than big humiliating things happen in front of other people.

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