More Than This

But nothing fades as fast as the future
And nothing clings like the past, until we can see

So much more than this
There is something else there
When all that you had has all gone

 After watching Groundhog Day last night I then went online and the first Youtube video recommended for me was about Buddhist teachings. It’s interesting how they are both linked. Bill Murray’s character only finds happiness and is allowed to move on when he finally accepts what is happening to him, understands other peoples pain and their point of view and then starts to be empathetic and kind towards others which in return creates happiness and peace of mind for him. Buddhist teachings seem to be much like this. It also links in with mindfulness and mediation. I knew long ago that my happiness is not to be found through wealth but somehow achieved through helping others but have never managed to achieve this due to be a complete loner due to anxiety. However in the last few weeks I have felt better through thinking differently. It’s like an awakening which is how it is often described as in spiritual terms. This is partly due to my friend who I spent another week with in January and also putting things together which I have seen over the years which all seem linked.

As someone who has always had a very scientific mind and wanted evidence it was hard to believe in any of this at first. After all I have always been fascinated with evolution, human behaviour, and cosmology and watched all documentaries on theses subjects since I was a boy. However when I began to watch documentaries on quantum physics it all changed. That’s because the greatest scientists on earth haven’t got a clue really what matter is and what it does. First the amount of matter we see everywhere is mostly empty. The space between atoms is so large that Mount Everest if compressed as tightly as possible would only be a few feet high yet weight the same. It’s only the resistance given off by the matter which is similar to magnetic force that you can’t put your hand through things as 99% of the table you see before you is empty space. Then atoms were only visible when viewed and reverted to wave form when not being viewed making some people believe the whole universe is some kind of hologram with matter only appearing real when we experience it. Another experiment found out people’s brains were able to predict what they were going to do in a computer related test not only five seconds before they did it but  before even the computer had chosen what to ask the person as if events had already been decided somewhere else. Then you come on to the multiverse theory and the essence of time and consciousness.  Even the big bang is a complete mystery as everything came form nothing which may have been another universe which of course begs the question where that came from and so on.

This spiritual kind of thinking may all be some kind of delusional fantasy and have no beneficial effect on my life at all but I find this more optimistic than anything I have come across before and it may be far more helpful than going over my painful past as I have done so often on this blog which really just keeps me in a negative mindset and thinking what if? all the time.


Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up! NOW WITH ADDED DEPRESSION!

11 thoughts on “More Than This”

  1. That’s great to hear man, it sounds like a more helpful way of thinking about things. My therapist always tells me to shy away from labels, and that I should engage in anything that is both helpful and sustainable. If you’ve found something that is working for you, then more power to you!

  2. You’re right about evolution. It actually takes more faith to believe in that than to believe in a Creator.

    I wish you all the best in your spiritual journey. I hope you will find the truth before it’s too late. Kind regards.

  3. Really feel happy for you to find something that is helpful. I think that’s why depressed people were often recommended to do volunteer work. I feel that mindfulness has been the most effective method for me to reduce physical symptoms of anxiety. I’m not as consistent in practicing it as I used to, but that’s alright, I can still use it during intense anxiety periods and it helps(The slow breathing and focusing of attention on the soles of my feet when I walk, etc.). I understand that your housing condition may not be suitable for meditating due to the noise. Don’t be discouraged, you can perhaps use it as an emergency tool or when the conditions are more suitable.

    1. Thanks although if feels somewhat like putting a sticking plaster onto a gaping would sometimes. Sleep is often still a problem. if I fall to sleep quickly I often walk up in the middle of the night and struggle to go back again.

      1. I have the same issue with insomnia, but i find that gaming helps when I used a lot of concentration and is exhausted afterwards.Sounds really unhealthy though…Let’s both take it one step at a time. I know that deep breathing while being in bed helps me to drift off to sleep sometimes.

      2. Yes, I am better at going back to sleep now if I try to relax although the neighbours having very noisy sex at 1.30AM and then going downstairs for a snack sometimes puts me off!

      3. Ew! You’re pretty unlucky to have to deal with that! My room used to face this neighbour that has his alarm clock ring in the middle of the night and he never got up to switch it off. It got to a point where I had to change rooms, so i understand how bad late-night noises can be. Maybe you can buy a pair of ear plugs, mine helps me a lot when I try to fall asleep on public transport.

      4. I have used ear plugs for about 20 years anyway. Its not every week but when they get at it he sounds like a braying donkey!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s