Look Away

You followed me
When I said no
You lay with me when there was nowhere safe to go.
We made some friends
but now it’s done
I always knew that we would never find the sun.

Its strange it has taken so long but after all this time, maybe as its now too late and I know its never going to happen but I feel jealous of fathers and would like to have had children and a family. But I have said before shyness out-trumps almost all other mental conditions when it comes to relationships and having children. The good, the bad and the ugly all have children it seems but not the chronically shy. And then they(the self help gurus and forums) blame you for not dong enough as if this is all self inflicted and just because you are a coward for not trying hard enough. Bollocks.

There are so many bad fathers, they dont have bravery,they are just not shy or have mental problems, they easily impress and chat young women up, easily have sex and before they know it a baby is born, often unwanted. Some people I knew from work and were total idiots are on Facebook with pictures of their happy kids. I wonder what their kids would think when they are older if they knew their dad had porn all over their work computer.Its all a random series of events, happiness, misery, being alive and having kids.  People think its because they did hard work to achieve it which is really like people thinking how much work they did to get to be prime minister and ignoring that 19 of them went to Eton and 8 to  Harrow.Hard work and coincidence,maybe good luck.

Then of course there are so many wonderful and loved parents that die too young and leave their children to grow up without them. I had a TV show on my Sky box for months and then when I finally watched it as it was for Stand up to cancer night and after it they showed a family whose mother died slowly to leave the father and two children alone. However that was not the end. The next year the youngest son also developed cancer and died. It made me weep.

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