For sighing comes to me instead of food. My groans pour out like water.
What I feared has come upon me.What I dreaded has happened to me.
I have no peace, no quietness. I have no rest, but only turmoil.
Quite a bad week yet again. I took another sleeping tablet last night as my mind was in turmoil. I feel highly anxious and irritable all the time. Thats because I am totally confused thinking about if its worth getting help for my anxiety depression when in truth not only is help hard to find in the NHS but as already expressed CBT exposure therapy for my anxiety is not an option.
I am due to visit my only friend in a weeks time so am trying to keep it together until then. In truth yesterday I was close to self harming, getting blind drunk and taking more than one sleeping tablet. I may try seeing a doctor when I get back but would only undergo therapy if it was individual and not group. Of course even getting therapy especially at my age is a problem and with anything between 6-12 months waiting list. If it was individual CBT I would still go to the first session and talk about my depression and lack of motivation but if they were an arsehole as many NHS therapists seem to be or if they insisted I do exposure and thought I was just being a coward I would just walk away and choose death instead.