Humiliation Guaranteed

After several days of waking up early I relented and took a sleeping tablet again. It worked as I did not get up until 10.30 but of course it made me feel groggy all day. I wonder if they also affect my moods as I have quite an overwhelming urge to self harm again although that could be as I was looking at self help sites on social anxiety and they always make me far more depressed as they never ever offer any hope or way out without a long painful struggle with humiliation guaranteed. YOU MUST DO THE HARD WORK OR YOU ARE A COWARDLY CISSY WHO DESERVES TO SUFFER!  I could do hard work after 20 years in the same manual job easily. However hard work is not acting shy and being ridiculed endlessly in the hope of getting used to it. Did people who were beaten ever get used to it?

I come across things all the while. Like the advice of making conversation with a co worker on Monday and telling them about what you did at the weekend.  I spent virtually every weekend for 20 years watching TV and maybe later doing some gardening. I never did anything or went anywhere as very shy people dont have any friends or do anything. There’s lots of advice like this and even though you have social anxiety and its so bad you have gone for therapy still assumes you have friends and go out and do things like normals all the time.Makes me think again if therapy is really for people with moderate shyness and anxiety and that they still have no idea of what very shy is really like.

However I really want to find out how they treat social anxiety and depression combined which I think is quite common. If they make no account for a depressed state of mind although I have no motivation and still expect you to do normal CBT exposures for social anxiety then I think they really have no idea and no one has even bothered to do any research into it yet. Considering some British doctors have not even heard of social anxiety and have to look it up on Wikipedia then nothing would surprise me.


15 thoughts on “Humiliation Guaranteed

  1. Forestwoodfolkart June 14, 2017 / 1:45 am

    I hear what you are saying. The community and medico world have little knowledge or awareness of the constant struggle of socially anxious people. Still, for some, CBT makes sense, for others, it is useless. It is hard to motivate oneself or think differently when negative thought patterns have developed such strong neural responses. Retraining the brain to activate other neural pathways is perhaps what they should research. I think it is very wise of you to continue to seek information to increase your knowledge of the disorder, for information is empowering.
    I don’t believe there is a “cure” per se, for social anxiety, it is more management and adapting around the particular issues that stand out for you. When you spoke of a lack of topics for a conversation with a co-worker on a Monday I could so relate to some ridiculous suggestions I have heard come from therapists mouths. These twenty somethings straight from University cannot comprehend the feelings/thoughts one experiences – even older psychologists tread the overly worn and not at all helpful line of “blaming the parent.” Both are equally useless. You are the one who knows yourself best – a good counsellor is worth more than ten tertiary trained professionals. Good luck in your journey. It is a struggle, but it is okay to struggle. Your life in years to come will be quite different from your life now. Don’t give up hope.

    • klodo June 14, 2017 / 2:12 pm

      Thanks for your reply, I had got to the point where I was genuinely going to look for help,albeit due to added depression and so many people tell you to get help and then I find that there is just so much variation and luck in treatments.

      In the UK therapy has about an 12 -18 month waiting list on the NHS or its something like £40 for a session privately. yet hardly anyone on the anxiety forums seem to have found a good therapist straight-away, there are some nightmare stories in fact of being treated so badly the person was suicidal after therapy.

      I think I would just like to talk to someone like a counsellor without the pressure of doing CBT every day of every week and it constantly getting harder which would be completely involuntarily for most of the time. Then if I felt better I could go on a walk/hiking or photography meetup which is what i was thinking of doing anyway. i think I would find that much more achievable than forcing myself to talk to a cashier in a supermarket and feeling humiliated when it goes badly.

      • Forestwoodfolkart June 14, 2017 / 9:40 pm

        Absolutely. That sounds like a good plan that suits your personal needs. The step plan that psychologists suggest isn’t always right at the time and place that our heads are at. You know your needs best. Trust your gut instincts. If the therapist isn’t working look for alternatives that may help. Good luck. Sounds like you have made a decision that is right for you.

      • klodo June 14, 2017 / 9:50 pm

        Thanks, I hope so. its like when I did some mindfulness and read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle I felt much calmer and even had people speak to me first as I probably looked far more approachable. By contrast looking at CBT and exposure therapy has made me very anxious and even more hopeless as it feels like some kind of forced punishment and may not work anyway.

        I actually think some people who went through exposure felt like they suffered and did so much hard work to get success that they really dont want other people to get better an easier way because they think its unfair.

      • Forestwoodfolkart June 15, 2017 / 10:32 pm

        I think it is vitally important that the person is in the right head space to tackle step plans (exposure therapy) and CBT otherwise it is a waste of time. Forcing someone to confront their terror before they have accepted it and are ready to deal manage and tangle it is akin to sadism in a milder form and most times will backfire. For some, who are ready to push and challenge themselves there is an immense sense of achievement in making progress and surviving the gradually increasing exposures or steps, but I firmly believe the person should have major input into what the step itself will be and when it will be taken, otherwise it is doomed to fail. That failure is multiplied tenfold in a socially anxious person as they replay the failure in their heads like an endless loop. CbT makes sense to people who are logically inclined but needs a skilled therapist to deliver it. They are hard to find. But they are out there.

      • klodo June 16, 2017 / 9:54 am

        Yes, some therapists insist you must be able to do the simpler tasks and then only move on to harder ones when you are totally comfortable. Others especially in the British NHS seem to have a set time limit and then push you into things you are not ready for as they only have 6-12 sessions.I think making a list where your worst fears are at the top such as making speeches in front of large groups of people would sort of put you off carrying on especially if the simpler ones start to go badly. I think 1 in 4 drop out before completion and guess many more would be put off from even trying it. I totally disagree with the statement that SA is totally treatable for almost everyone as many people who benefited from CBT then regress when on their own again. Its treatable if you get the right therapist who knows how to handle all type of people and does not become the enemy but they seem rare(or expensive!)

      • Forestwoodfolkart June 16, 2017 / 11:30 am

        They are very rare! I know from experience too. I think the training of professional psychologists leaves a lot to be desired

  2. Forestwoodfolkart June 14, 2017 / 1:56 am

    I did write a comment here but it hasn’t shown up. Let me know if you can’t see it.

    • klodo June 14, 2017 / 10:58 am

      Thanks, yes I had to approve it but will reply later.

      • Forestwoodfolkart June 14, 2017 / 11:05 am

        No worries. I thought that may be the case!

  3. Chris Shaw August 11, 2017 / 7:46 pm

    This really resonates with me too as it will for so many others. Whilst looking for different stuff on the internet (as I do) I did find out about a technique called EFT or tapping. And one guy has a channel which I’m sure could bring hope, at least. He does EFT/tapping videos for social anxiety in particular and says he overcome his own, 100%, with this technique. Now, I won’t say its as easy as going through these videos, just because I did all that. But I can tell you that this technique, looks for real. I researched it, researched it some more. And what we need is actual one on one assistance of this technique…this is the stage I’m at – I’ve learned all the basics and need one on one assistance. So first, I’ll post some links to YouTube, so you can have a look:

    • klodo August 11, 2017 / 9:36 pm

      Thanks Chris, I have heard of EFT before but not looked at it in detail. Like you I go through lots of stuff on you-tube.In fact I was looking at another of his videos only yesterday on making eye contact. I do find it hard trying to be positive especially as my past has not given me great confidence. However I am willing to try almost anything. Its obvious to me that I have to do things to change my mind and attitude first otherwise just forcing myself into awkward situations with negativity will only make me feel worse.

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