But I am boring!

“Most people prefer to be around others who are happy or in a good mood.”

And dont forget they dont like being around socially awkward weird,creepy boring or  much older people than them either. Thats why I am not optimistic.

I read another article on anxiety from an online self help book in which shy people are afraid of coming across as boring. They asked someone to talk to a stranger as if they were being introduced at a party, one using safety behaviours and then again without. Of course in the wonderful world of self help books they came across much better than feared and this once again proves that its all in the mind.But is it?

So what do people talk about at parties?

Job? Don’t have one and have been very long term unemployed( OVER 10 YEARS!!!!)

Family, dont have one and ave never even had a relationship!

Hobbies, apart from my one friend I occasionally see and minor dabbling in photography I never speak to another human for weeks on end and never go anywhere and see anyone. I do like the sport of cricket but alas that only confirms my boringness.

Is it appropriate to talk about my mental health problems with strangers or will it put them off? If they ask about why I am single shall I mention not being able to get an erection until I was 27 and my fear of intimacy and also being crippling shy around attractive girls when younger. Shall I talk about planning for suicide and my fear of being homeless? Shall I talk about my alcohol dependency and self harm and paranoia and talking to myself all day and regular insomnia?  No? None of this is appropriate conversation for talking with strangers at parties?

Then why the F**k would I go anywhere to socialise with strangers and why the F**k do no self help books take age, depression and any of this into account when demanding you go and make pleasant conversation as if it will make you better. I am boring and depressing and full of misery and hopelessness and have absolutely no motivation!  How do I cure that? Go on tell me? I am dying to know.

 

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Author: klodo

I am male,English and have had social anxiety since I started school at 5 years of age. I like photography, walking, wildlife, history and moaning.........CONSTANTLY! Oh you must stop being so negative! Shut up!

9 thoughts on “But I am boring!”

  1. How do you cure that? Don’t try to – it’s too big a goal. Concentrate on something smaller – a little step towards lessening misery and depression. Don’t go to a party. Go to a more structured activity – singing, dancing, acting, sport… whatever interests you. It’ll give you something to talk about. If that seems too much, then do something easier, but do something.

    But I agree. Self-help books always tell you that once you try it you’ll realise it’s not as bad as you thought.

    1. I dont know .Being the most depressed in my life I still dont know how to go and meet strangers who will probably know each other and not come across as depressing, miserable and of course nervous and anxious which will only make me paranoid and even more avoidant when it goes wrong.

      There are absolutely no easy options as far as I can see as meeting strangers for the first time is always the same and of course apart from a shared hobby i have to hide all my mental stuff so am boring and have nothing to speak about.

    1. Thats just it, now that I am much older I’d much rather die than endure intense humiliation in the vague hope of recovery. None of the self help advice addresses depression or lack of motivation and almost demands positivity and being friendly when entering any social situation. Its reading this stuff which has made me start to become suicidal over the last year or so as I have finally realised there is virtually no hope left. I am just sick of people saying there is loads of help available when in reality there is virtually nothing and you have to keep doing everything on your own and just hope to get better. Yet if you act shy, awkward or depressing people dislike you and dont want to see you again so you get worse.

      1. I am not sure as I usually get on worse with people with social anxiety as they are all awkward and quiet too so nobody speaks much.I also hate the idea of speaking in front of groups which is why I would not want to do group therapy. Almost all my past friends were outgoing and made friends with me first. I cant imagine anything worse than an SAUK meet but then they mostly seem to be much younger anyway.

        I think I would need therapy or help to get me into a positive frame of mind first and try to get rid of depression yet of course to get any therapy on the NHS is hard and many experts think you have to work on SA before depression which I think is wrong as once the depression and negativity kick in all it takes is any failure or bad experience and it makes me want to drink heavily and self harm so expecting me to do repeated exposures in the hope of getting used to them is not even going to happen.

      2. After you reading your latest post, I think I know how you’ll respond to my previous comment. But I want to ask you something else: in my next post, I’m planning to address the problem with self-help books. Is it all right if I link to this post from mine?

      3. Basically that I agree with you. Self-help books, CBT and other therapies all assume that the more you put yourself out there the better it will get, and that the reactions from other people will be much better than you expect. While this has helped many people with SA, it doesn’t work for everyone.

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