Judge and Jury

I still cant get over being treated by many people with contempt simply for being shy and quiet. They say learn to love yourself and be confident and all the usual shit and yet when I have tried either at work or sometimes online I feel like I am being judged(what a surprise!) and always found wanting. Like some girls at work calling me strange and even then when I did try to say hello being looked at like I was not worthy or even a reply.  This reaffirms negativity and encourages avoidance. When I posted on forums for social anxiety I felt like the response was “Oh no, not you again, go away NOT ONE OF US!” Having lifelong chronic social anxiety has never been enough to bond with people on a social anxiety forum. Using it has only increased my paranoia.

Looking at some therapy books I keep wondering if we are making things out to be much more complicated that they really are with the human brain. After all we are an animal, we did evolve so most of our behaviour developed for a reason. Apparently we have not changed that much for 50000 years and are adapted for the plains of Africa which was basic behaviour of fight or flight, hunting and gathering. We are also 98% genetically similar to great apes.  Are humans really that special or do we just like to think we are? Aren’t all our basic emotions much the same as some higher animals.

We have SA because of the way we were brought up or some traumatic events usually in childhood, maybe even genetics. The basics of all therapy is just to encourage people to get out more, think differently and do stuff until recovery which is not that complicated. So why are there 600 page manuals on it? In reality that’s often not enough because people are judgemental, we evolved to be.  We also need support as we evolved in family groups and lone people often struggle more. Even those who show progress with therapy often sink back into avoidance after the therapy ends as their own brain which is still faulty just comes back to haunt them. Much of the confidence gained during therapy was not real and just a temporary act rather than a personality change.

I saw a you-tube video last night and a beautiful women went on dates with a fat suit on so the men had only seen her picture when slim. All of them apart from one rejected her and were even angry she was so overweight compared to her picture. When they did this the other way round far more of the women were happy and still eager to go on another date. Thats because men and women did evolve differently and men do go for looks above all else. In fact they did this experiment because women said they most feared meeting a serial killer on a date whereas men said they feared the woman would be fat!

However I would like to see it done with people who were long term unemployed because apparently women said in a survey that they think of such men in the the same way as ex-convicts(i.e. losers and scum) whereas I dont think many men would care about what job she did if any if they thought the woman was attractive. In fact in one experiment women who liked men for looks changed to somebody else as soon as they found out they had a better job!  Conclusion, men and women are both judgemental but in different ways.

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